wild nonsense of a sick woman

disclaimer: i do not feel like capitalizing so deal with it.

so its fall and once again, i am sick.
every year in the fall i get sick and when i was a child i thought that disease was somehow carried in the cold air and that just being alive when the seasons were changing would get me sick. as an adult, i learned that the cold and flu viruses are carried all year round by any and everyone and that it is the habit of people staying inside and being huddled together that transmits disease.
well. i'm not sure about either of those theories now. like so many things in my life, i could not completely get rid of the magical ideas i had as a kid that were trampled on as i became more educated by the world. so now i sort of believe that its a mystical variation of mother nature giving me this sickness. she is testing my body to see if i can make it through the winter like some ancient human and planet ritual that has been going on for eons.

i'm kind of a lot like the tea partiers. i have made up my own version of reality and instead of believing FACTS like a normal and logical human being i'm sticking with my fiction. it doesn't really matter how much sense it makes, i feel like mother nature has issued me a order of ill health and there is nothing i can do about it.
there is no amount of reading up on the illness (usually a cold or the simple flu as it is this time) that can convince me that it is not something life threatening.
a headache becomes a brain tumor.
a cough becomes tuberculosis.
maybe my hand starts twitching - OH GOD I'VE GOT MS.
in fact, i usually take the time while i'm sick to consider my place on earth and maybe even revisit my will. maybe i'll give my computer to Rosie. obviously Matt can have my car. maybe they can sell my paintings for charity and donate the funds to the democratic party....because i really do hate the tea partiers. in college when my roommate and i had the stomach flu, i played the death march every time someone entered the room - purely just to let them know we were nearing the end.
yes, soon i will need to hug Matt and my cat and bid them adieu. mine will be a slow, quiet death. it will be riddled with coughing and snot, but i shall try to go gracefully into that dark light.

but i have so much to live for!! never another cheddar bay biscuit from red lobster? never another krispy kreme donut?! there must be some marvel of modern science that can rectify the hex mother nature has cast upon me. so after wallowing for a few days...i end up at the doctors and they usually prescribe something or other that works in a few days after that.
obviously, i continue to live and carry on. (until the next change of seasons)

but god help us if i ever actually get a serious disease.