Five Things That Need To Make A Comeback

There is nothing more awesome than a comeback story. Ok, well maybe TT.TKO is pretty friggin’ awesome, except for that lame-o Mattie. I have searched the whole entire world for the five things that are due for a comeback. HEY! DON’T QUESTION MY LOGIC!!!! IT IS FLAWLESS! You can tell I am serious by the use of capslock.

1. 80’s Music
Holy crap I love me some 80’s music. Pat Benatar “WE WILL BE INVINCIBLE!!!” may just be the sexiest thing ever. I’ll just give you bands that share their names with places to prove my point: Asia, Berlin, Europe, Big Country, Boston, A Flock of Seagulls… this list could be endless.

2. Cartoons
If there is something that I loved more than 80’s music, other than my own sweet ass, it would have to be cartoons. I believe as a child I was really lucky to grow up in a world of TMNT, Doug, Rugrats, Ahhh! Real Monsters and Hey! Arnold. I feel for the kids of today with their Yu-Gi-Oh and Sponge Bob. WHERE ARE YOUR TALKING BABIES!?!? NO THE E*Trade BABY DOES NOT COUNT!!!

3. Trilogies
Star Wars! What? They made three more movies? What the fuck is a JAR JAR? You had me at Natalie Portman. She fucking dies?! BULL SHIT! Ok, so the first Star Wars Trilogy, Back to the Future and The Lord of the Rings are amazing, but trilogies have been falling off as of late. Pirates of the Caribbean and The Matrix are anchored by their first movie and seem to say “fuck it” after that. I WANT MORE MICHAEL J. FOX! I can see him as a werewolf playing basketball? TOP THAT, TWILIGHT!

4. Tom Selleck
First let me say that this is only Tom Selleck with a mustache. Not that baby-faced imposter who showed up for a year or so. Seriously, ladies, how do you have sex with other men knowing Tom Selleck is out there? He is the only man on the planet who can legitimately have the nickname Magnum. Bring back the 'stache!

5. Point Break
Uh, where do I fucking start? Oscar-winning director Kathryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker) blows up your mind in this orgasmic action movie. I wish I could have been sitting at the pitch meeting for this. Hey, I got this movie with guys who dress up like former presidents then rob banks and in their spare time they go surfing and skydiving. Can we get Busey? YES! GARY “I would probably eat my own young one day if I only knew how to get this toaster pregnant” BUSEY, Patrick Swayze and The One all make this movie ah-fucking-mazing.

Boosh, five things that need to make a come back. Now get to work. Someone call Busey. I need a lady to call Mr. Selleck. I will work on the cartoons.