The Persistence of Memory

Memory's a funny thing. Remember in school, when you'd pull an all-nighter before a big test, cramming all those dates and names and facts into your head? You'd ace the exam, but come finals week, it was like Greek to you. Unless, of course, you were studying for Greek class, in which case, it was like math, or chemistry, or Spanish. Anything but what you needed to remember.

Then there are the things you'll never, ever forget. I'm not talking about the time you were pantsed in front of the girl you had a crush on in the middle of 7th grade gym class. I'm talking cold, hard facts, useless stuff, taking up valuable space in your brain.

I could recite my 13-digit bank account number in my sleep. It's helpful when filling out deposit slips, I suppose. I could rattle off the LOST numbers even half-drunk, which would have come in handy if I'd actually played them in Mega Millions last week and walked away $150 richer. I still remember my college boyfriend's old cell phone number-- useless on several levels, especially in this age of the digital address book. Who needs to memorize phone numbers, anyway?

Some people have a high school locker combination they'll always recall, but I would sometimes forget mine over long weekends, so that's definitely something that didn't stick with me. I, like many others, however, can never forget the jingle from the Empire Carpet commercials-- "800-588-2300, Empire...today!" So that makes at least two phone numbers I still remember but will never call.

At any given moment, I can list six of the seven dwarves. The caveat is that it's always a different combination of dwarves-- you know how it goes. Put me on the spot, and my dwarf-listing abilities under pressure might knock that number down to four or five.

Like many others of our generation, I will forever remember the lyrics to hundreds and hundreds of pop songs from the mid to late '90s. Put "Semi-Charmed Life" on the jukebox at a bar and watch everyone try to act cool, like they don't know every word. They do. They all do.

I'm usually decent at team trivia, pretty good at play-along-at-home Jeopardy. But I think it would help if I could clear out some of the useless to make room for the trivial. There are $30 restaurant gift cards at stake here, after all. I don't think the trivia guy or Alex Trebek are ever going to ask me to sing the Empire Carpet jingle, but if they do, I'm all set.

If they ask for seven dwarf names, though, I might be screwed. Lazy's one, right? Homely? Creepy?

The Unintentional Insomniac

While getting ready for bed, you probably think to yourself, "Holy shit, going to sleep is going to kick ass." You lie down in bed, you close your eyes, and... HOLY CRAP WHAT ABOUT ALL THIS STUFF I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT RIGHT NOWWWWW HNNNNNNGGG.

For example, last night I crawled into bed after having done a bunch of homework. So of course my thoughts first drifted toward that... I had all sorts half-baked, only-partially-lucid ideas about how to do some of my homework problems. And of course now I don't even remember exactly what my thoughts were, but at the time they were TOTALLY GOOD IDEAS.

Then you check the clock. WHAT?! I went to bed at 12:30, and it's already 1:30 and I haven't slept at all?? This is the point at which I start thinking about writing this blog post. OH MAN THIS IS A REALLY GREAT IDEA. Except all of the awesome (read: almost certainly not awesome) things I wanted to write are off in the ether somewhere because I was only semi-conscious when I thought of them.

You check the clock again. 2:00. Okay, seriously? I'm so tired! Why can't I go to sleep? And why can't I get comfortable? And what is the deal with all these negative campaign ads? God, I cannot wait for the election to be over just so those damn ads stop airing. Man, I can't believe the Saints won last night. I wish the Falcons had played. But a function that's continuous almost everywhere is definitely measurable, right? What about upper semi-continuous? Oh crap, I need to pick up my police report tomorrow. Shit, I wish I didn't have to tutor. And I need to call about my insurance. Did I write down the claim number? I hope Virginia feels okay tomorrow. Gosh, am I getting a little hungry? It's the middle of the night! Should I draw pictures for the blog post? Man, that blog is going to be AWESOME. Such a GOOD IDEA. I'm still not comfortable. Don't forget to e-mail your advisor. Did Mikey ever send that e-mail? I wish my car window wasn't busted. Okay, but can a measurable function be extended to a continuous function across a set of positive measure? I wonder what time it is HOLY SHIT IT'S 3:00?? What the hell happened in the last hour??

Of course these are just the highlights. The in-between thoughts are much crazier. And eventually you just keep thinking GO TO SLEEP GO TO SLEEP GO TO SLEEP HOLY SHIT GO TO SLEEEEEEEEEP, which really just makes matters worse because you're thinking about going to sleep rather than allowing yourself to just go to sleep. So then you try to focus on anything else. But that leads back to your spiral of half-lucidity. So you try to focus on nothing. You become meditative, like a monk. IF I THINK OF NOTHING, I WILL DRIFT INTO SLUMBER.

3:45

NOW YOU'RE SO ANGRY. FUCK YOU, BRAIN.


What about you guys? Does your mind ever rebel while you're going to sleep?