Peevishness

Today is a Day.

Not quite one of these days, but it's not too far behind. An overwhelming amount of workplace drama as well as a feeling that an implosion is imminent if said drama doesn't cool it means everyone around me is a little bit aggravated, so today I'm going to tell you about my pet peeves.

I realize it's almost like I'm providing you with an arsenal of ways to annoy me, but I think I can trust you. Can I?

1. When people leave time on the microwave timer. If I see this, I have to reset it. It's a compulsion. But besides, how hard is it to simply let the time run out? Do you really need your popcorn three seconds faster? I hope it's full of unpopped kernels.

2. Unread messages or alerts. I can't stand seeing those little red numbers in the corners of apps on the screen of my iPhone. Likewise, my Gmail and Facebook inboxes always have to be clear of unread messages. It may not matter to me that LA Fitness wants me back (they really, really do) or that my alma mater's having a Homecoming celebration I'll never make it to. These messages must be dealt with and they must be dealt with now.

3. Listening to one side of a conversation. Like when someone's beside me in the car and they're talking on the phone. I don't care what they're talking about! It could be the weather or birthday parties or Russian spy secrets for all I care. It's just the one-sidedness that gets on my nerves.

4. The sound of people rubbing their hands together. Like when you're cold, or feeling diabolical. It's worse than fingernails on a chalkboard for me. If you use this information against me, I shall be very cross.

I'm not saying if you can shield me from all these things, you'll be my #1 favorite person of all time. But you'll be getting pretty close. As in, "look out, Brian Williams" close.

I mean, that rubbing sound really bothers me.

Prohibition II: Electric Boogaloo

The Sunday sales bill looks to be, for all intents and purposes, dead.

For those of you non-Georgia residents, let me fill you in: Our fine state is one of three in the country (the others being Connecticut and Indiana) that does not allow the sale of alcohol on Sundays. Nope, if it’s a Sunday, you can’t get alcohol anywhere in the state—except at a bar or restaurant, but you know, laws aren't supposed to make sense.

In any case, for the past few years Gov. Sonny Perdue swore up and down that he’d veto any Sunday sales bill to cross his desk. Our new Gov. Nathan Deal, though conservative, has gone on record saying that he would not veto such a bill, now famously stating, "I don't drink. I just believe in democracy."

Cue rejoicing on the part of those who value, you know, the right to vote on issues, and the separation of church and state, and all that noise.

As I understand it, the bill currently being discussed allows counties to vote on whether to permit Sunday sales, and would only allow beer and wine, none of that heathen hard liquor. The state House of Representatives passed it real quick, and according to every source ever, the state Senate was gearing up to do so as well.

But then last week it just died. They’re claiming there’s not nearly enough Senate support for it to pass (even though there allegedly was two weeks ago?). Some blame the Georgia Christian Coalition and others blame unnamed eager beaver state Senators who hope to gain higher office someday and don’t want to alienate anyone along the way. Regardless, in spite of a rally at the state capitol a couple days ago and the attitudes of most citizens ranging from “Give me Sunday beer or give me death!” to “What do I care if people can drink on Sundays? Get off my lawn,” it seems like it’s not happening this year.

Okay, so buying and selling alcohol in liquor and grocery stores on a Sunday is illegal. Fine. One could argue that we all choose to live in the fascist theocracy of an ex-penal colony that is Georgia, so that’s the law we’re stuck with.

But why draw the line there? If certain lobbyists and lawmakers get to dictate what’s legal and illegal just because they feel like it, why don’t the rest of us get to enact the laws of our choosing?

I think it should be illegal for Georgia residents to say the word “foodie.” Surely you don’t hear it much down in south Georgia or up in the mountains, but I live in Atlanta and read a lot of food blogs and restaurant reviews, and it kind of annoys me. To be fair, it would suit me to ban “foodie” forever, everywhere, but you can’t make stupid laws everywhere, so Georgia it is. “Foodie” is hereby outlawed.

You know what else should be illegal? Jean shorts on guys. Definitely putting the banhammer down on those. Ooh, and while we’re legislating drink-related issues, I’m going to outlaw restaurants from only serving Pepsi products, because Pepsi is gross. I don’t want to drink it, so nobody should be able to drink it, amiright?

It’s ridiculous that this is even an issue, but it is. There’s still a sliver of hope that the Senate will get their act together and vote on it this legislative season (you know-- vote to let us vote on it), but for now we’ll just have to keep getting our Sunday beers the old fashioned ways—out of our refrigerator, at any bar or restaurant, or at Buddy’s as soon as the clock strikes midnight.

Anger Management

Ever have an angry day?

I don’t mean the kind of day where you feel a little bummed out, or you have legitimate cause to be angry because someone crashed into your parked car right after you got one of those fancy $30 car washes (although as an aside, you know that's a waste of money, right? It's going to rain eventually). I mean one of those days where every tiny little thing just makes you rage.

If you’re like me, there are a number of seemingly-insignificant things that can make you grit your teeth and bite your lip in manic frustration. Things that have made me rage lately include, but are not limited to:

-Knowing a little bit of HTML but not enough to make things on this site look like I want them to even though I know it’s possible and probably even easy.

-Similarly, when I know what I want to do in Photoshop and sort of know how to get there but not enough to actually get there and I'm too stubborn to ask Michael for help.

-This one particular aspect of my job that would be too long and boring to explain, but oh my god. It's yank-out-your-hair aggravating.

-People who absolutely refuse to back down from an argument even when they’re completely wrong. Yes, I do understand the irony here.

-One-word text messages. This probably stems from the prehistoric days when we had to pay 10 cents a message, whether we sent it or received it, but regardless, I have special frustrated noises reserved for people who send out the one-word text.

-Rage comics. They’re just so ugly, and I don’t like to look at ugly things, even on the off chance that they might make me chuckle to myself in agreement. They remind me too much of Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark illustrations, anyway.

-When somebody says that it's hypocritical for someone to order a cheeseburger and a Diet Coke. Bitch, we drink it for the taste. There was even a jingle about that.

-When the weather breaks into the TV show you're watching to tell you there's a slight chance of inclement weather in a county 40 miles south of you. Seriously, weatherman, I don't care. I'm watching House and I just want to know whether or not it's lupus.

And when you have an angry day, one thing just feeds into the next, much like in this oh-so-relevant Hyperbole and a Half comic. Out of cookies? Normally not so bad. But when I've already had an aggravating workday, been called out for loving Diet Coke with non-diet food, and wrestled with Photoshop all while receiving a bevy of one-word text messages? I'd stay out of arm-swinging range if I were you.

Finals Week

This week is finals week. So thousands of students around campus are like behaving total fucktards in preparation. Last minute cramming abounds, and it's a worthless technique.

This technique is more understandable during finals week, that I will grant. But the students in the class I TA seem to think it's TOTALLY AWESOME ALL THE TIME. I anticipate seeing students pretty much non-stop for 7 hours today, because their exam is tomorrow. Again, finals week is okay for that, in my mind.

But I get very annoyed with "my" students. They have a retarded sense of entitlement, like if they don't understand something, that it's not worth doing and someone should just tell them how to do it without producing a single individual thought on the matter. They don't understand that if the only time you put in work is the night before the test, you won't do well. They don't have any homework (it's a class of 300 people, so homework would be unfeasible), and so they think there's no incentive for actually.... trying to understand the material. I don't get it. I DON'T GET IT. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

Then, when I make them do work during tutoring, they get frustrated with the professor, as if it's somehow his fault they don't understand. Granted, professors should get some blame for students not understanding, but I will side with the professor every time when students (frequently) tell me they don't go to class and don't do the work.

The other thing is that these students have MEMORIES LIKE GOLDFISH. For example, there is a mathematical quantity called expected gain, and these kids have been calculating expected gain since WEEK ONE of this fucking class. I will, without a damn doubt, go to tutoring today and have to re-explain expected gain AGAIN.
Out of all the students I tutor with any frequency (and by "frequency" I mean once a month around exam time), maybe three of them can calculate expected gain without help. Maybe. They have been figuring out this expected gain thing literally all semester long. How is it that you can do something hundreds of times over and not remember how to do it??? The answer: they're not really learning how to do it. It's not a deep concept, by any means, and they can't even be bothered to remember what it is, let alone learning what it is.

Anyway.

I also wanted to talk about football, but I'll be brief. You may remember that I've been making predictions on games the past weeks. Last week I went 13-3. So far this week I am 9-5, YIKES. There are still two games today (Holy cow, Metrodome!), so hopefully I'll hit double digit "wins."

But out of my 5 "losses," two of them are head scratchers in my opinion. (1) What the fuck happened to the Jets? They got humiliated on Monday Night Football, and I really thought they'd come out (at home, mind you!) fired up to bounce back from that. Nope. Instead they played a goddamn miserable game against the Dolphins. (2) Really Seahawks? I know you're not a great team. Hell, you're not really that good of a team. But the 49ers? They have been pretty awful lately, and you guys got trounced! Ugh.