Trick Or Treat

You know Rule 34? That if it exists, there’s porn for it? Well I’d like to add a corollary to that rule: Rule 34.1—if it exists, someone is wearing a sexy version of it as a Halloween costume.

Now if Mean Girls taught us anything, it’s that once you’re past trick-or-treating age, Halloween tends to be not much more than an excuse for girls to get all dressed up in revealing clothing and call it a costume. Few girls can resist the allure of looking real hot, guilt-free, and it’s fun to dress up. But sometimes, it’s taken a little too far.

Like this, as posted a week or two ago on Geekologie:



Why in the world would there be a sexy Chewbacca costume? Well, because of Rule 34.1, that’s why. There’s surely a sexy Darth Vader costume out there somewhere, and I think we all know what a sexy Princess Leia costume looks like.

Leprechauns are well-known for their sexiness, right? Apparently they can be.



Of course, in this case, the company called it a “Sassy” Leprechaun costume. They’re rebranding.

What about this sassy Viking?



Scandinavia is pretty cold and the sea spray on those big wooden boats can be chilly as well—I know these things; Maelstrom is my favorite ride at EPCOT—so I think she should at least bring a light jacket or a blanket for her legs.

Or one of my favorites-- sassy Robin?



It’s probably a good thing Robin didn’t wear this costume in any of the Batman movies—the gay rumors are bad enough as it is.

Got a sweet tooth? Who doesn’t? Indulge your inner dessert-lover as a sexy Three Musketeers. No, not a sexy Musketeer, of which there are three—I actually mean a sexy Three Musketeers.




Of course, some costumes just really can’t—or at least, shouldn’t—be sexified. I would advise against any of the following, lest you border on inappropriate or at the very least, too ridiculous.

• Sexy Obama
  
• Sexy Chilean Miner
  
• Sexy Dwight Schrute
  
• Sexy Dora The Explorer
  
• Sexy Bobby Cox

As for me, I’m considering doing my tricking and treating as the Hamburglar this year. A sexy Hamburglar? Well, we’ll see. It is Halloween, after all.

Note: Full disclosure-- I've been a sexy nurse and a sexy zebra, and I one day intend to be a sexy Wonder Woman, so I don't judge! I suggest everyone dress as something awesome that they look real hot in. Then we'll all be happy.

Yes, this is a post about shoes.

I'm not sure what exactly changed, or when, but I feel like my whole perception of fashion as a whole has... matured recently, let's say. In the past, I very rarely cared about my clothing. This is not to say I left home looking disheveled or in disarray; I'm an adamant proponent of personal hygiene and cleanliness. But I didn't really know anything about fashion, I didn't really care, and I clung to the belief that people would either accept me or not, fashion and all. Now I don't think my previous fashion sense was exceptionally bad, and in fact, I have come to learn that I, at one point, had a somewhat unique aesthetic in the eyes of others. Nor does any of this mean that my aesthetic now is particularly chic. The contrary is almost certainly closer to the truth. Of course, I don't care about being chic; I care about feeling comfortable and looking good in my own mind, and I guess the point is that my personal style has become more aligned with more fashionable styles.

Okay, who cares? Well, the big thing for me right now is shoes. My appreciation for a good pair of shoes has grown in the past year, not exponentially, but probably more like a cubic or quartic. (GET IT, MATH JOKES?!) However, my fledgling admiration for the shoe has come under assault in the past few months. Those who know me probably know that I tend to like Skechers. They are not the greatest shoes, nor the most stylish, but I like a good few of their products and they always fit my feet very well.

HOWEVER.... the Skechers Shape-Up... thing.... is absolutely the fucking worst.


What the fuck is that? It is ugly incarnate, my friends. These are not even shoes; they are an abomination; a crime against humanity. And no matter what claims they purport about toning legs or whatever the fuck, it's still goddamn ugly. And for the record, I found the above image by Google image searching "ugly skechers."

PROOF



What do you think? Would you wear these? Now, I don't want to influence your decision, but if you say yes, I will burn your house down (with you in it... wearing these ugly-ass shoes.)