So Hood

Via Reddit

LA's a dangerous place, but so's Atlanta. Surely these signs aren't all West coast specific, because it's a tough world out there and I'd like to survive it. Of course, I'm experienced at the throwing up of gang signs, you know.

I think I'll get by.

On a completely unrelated but similarly awesome note, have you seen this trailer for the upcoming Muppet movie with Jason Segel and Amy Adams? Not gonna lie, it looks pretty adorable.


Via Vulture

An Invitation

Those of you who have listened to our most recent podcast have heard that this upcoming FRIDAY THE 13TH MUAHAHAHAHA.... ahhem.. this Friday will be the two year anniversary of TT.TKO. In May of 2009 Mattie and I posted our first video on Vimeo. We still have yet to learn our lesson.

In celebration of our two year anniversary our friend Travis of BeardsandJackets.com will be streaming a movie of our choosing on Friday the 13th at 10:30pm. In honor of Friday the 13th we have chosen:

THE MONSTER SQUAD!!!
AWWWW YEAH. This shit just got real. Ladies take a second to recover from the overwhelming amount of sexy that just came at you. We will have a link posted to the live stream on Friday night where there will be an active chat. If you have skype you should log on because there is a chance we will be doing that up as well. This will all be live so if you are not there you miss out.

Most of the people who have followed and supported TT.TKO are our friends from all over the world. We figured this was the best and most appropriate way to "celebrate" on Friday the 13th. Stop by for a minute, the whole movie or just don't ever leave(we may keep the movies rolling). I mean if you are a responsible adult on Friday the 13th you will stay locked in your room anyway. Might as well hang out with us at the same time.

Are You Afraid Of The Dark?

What’s your favorite scary movie?

If you checked out this week’s podcast already, you may have been mulling that question over. The boys brought some solid choices, from the best horror series to the scariest horror villain to Rick Moranis. But there were a few movies that immediately leap to my mind when I think “scary movies” that were left out. And as horror flicks are wont to be, 4/5 of them are really, really bad.

The Midnight Meat Train
Now I don’t know how anyone could think this movie would be anything less than stellar, just from the name alone. But let me set you straight. It is not stellar.

The premise of this movie involves a mute butcher who secretly hangs people by giant meat hooks on subway trains at night. This in itself seems like it would make an excellent gorefest, doesn’t it? I suppose it does. There’s not much of a plot beyond this, which is why my friend and I wound up watching the last half of the movie on fast-forward—we didn’t miss anything. OR DID WE? There’s some super-weird supernatural twist at the end that made no sense even once we rewound. I couldn’t spoil it if I tried. Don’t bother seeing for yourself.

The Hitcher
Starring that girl from One Tree Hill (I don’t watch it, folks, I just know my teen soaps), this is your standard, makes-no-sense-why-that-dude’s-trying-to-kill-these-people movie that takes forever. Just when you think he’s caught—or dead, as the case may be—he’s not. Is it over yet?

I watched this with a couple of girlfriends back in college, all the lights out, intentionally trying to scare ourselves. It worked well enough—I mean, a dude stalking you and your boyfriend all over the desert (was it the desert? It’s been awhile, but I seem to remember an awful lot of sand) would be pretty creepy in real life. But the flying cockroach we discovered crawling across the wall after finishing the movie and turning the lights back on (there was much standing on couches and flailing about with a broom) was by far the scariest part of the evening.

Teeth
Teeth could never be omitted, and it actually wasn’t—but neither Mikey nor Mattie have seen this modern classic. I have had that privilege.

This one I can recommend, if only because it’s the self-aware kind of bad. This movie isn’t trying to be amazing. It’s so campy and ridiculous that it’s incredible—particularly when watched at midnight after a few drinks with friends, which is how it happened for my first time.

My first time watching Teeth.

And anyway, even if you don’t enjoy the movie, c’mon, isn’t “vagina dentata” fun to say? DENTATAAAAA.

Death Sentence
Everybody’s got their go-to answer when somebody brings up “worst movie of all time.” This is mine, only it’s so generically awful that I went years without remembering what it was called, beyond “that Kevin Bacon movie about revenge.” A podcast I listened to recently brought it back to my attention, and boy am I glad.

I thought Kevin Bacon had hit a new low when I saw Hollow Man at an ill-begotten birthday party in 9th grade, but no. He had this gem just waiting in the wings.

To be fair, this movie was billed as a thriller, not a horror movie. But I can’t help but bring it to mind when thinking about awful scary movies, so its atrociousness actually helps it escape a lifetime of obscurity. Any press is good press, right?

Don’t see this movie.

The Orphanage
Produced by Guillermo del Toro (Pan’s Labyrinth), this subtitled Spanish film isn’t a standard horror movie—you may not even be able to neatly lump it into that genre. But it doesn’t get much scarier than this, to me. There are images in this film that I can’t picture in the dark without needing to burrow underneath the covers or turn on all the lights in my house.

This is the slow burn kind of scary. The kind that creeps up on you. It’s easy to get absorbed in the story—an impossible feat for many movies hell-bent on making you scream. And maybe you won’t scream. But I’m pretty sure all the lights remained on in my bedroom the night that I saw this one.

The Orphanage aside, I'm not sure I'd wish those first four on anyone. But that being said, horror movies are one of the only film genres where sometimes, worse is better. So I don't regret seeing any of these.

Well. Maybe that Kevin Bacon one. Seriously guys? Don't do it.

No More Original Ideas

The old folks can cash in on trends, too, right?

When Harry Met Sally 2 with Billy Crystal & Helen Mirren from Billy Crystal

I promise I didn't just post that to get my daily Adam Scott fix. Well.

A Star Is Born

Shameless cross-promotion? You betcha.

Some friends of mine made a short film for Creative Loafing's ShortCuts ATL short film contest. The premise of the contest is this: include some part of Atlanta. Keep it around 5 minutes. And shoot the entire thing on either a phone, a point-and-shoot camera or a flip camera. We chose to shoot the entire thing on iPhones-- limiting, but hopefully in a charming kind of way?

I'm in it, but if that doesn't sway you, so is a gnome. Sort of.

In any case, as far as I know there are judges picking their favorites, but there's some awards or accolades up for grabs that depend on views, likes and YouTube comments, so if you're so inclined, fire up the old YouTube account and write some poorly-written but flattering things about the film.

Just think, if I get famous, you know I won't forget you.

Film below, or for maximum impact, on YouTube.

On The Big Screen

You've heard the rumors. Mere seconds after a television show's cancellation, the loyal fanbase stops sending millions of little bottles of Tabasco sauce and starts spreading the word that there's gonna be a movie.

Did the showrunner say in an interview that he or she planned to make a movie follow up? Doesn't matter. It's gonna happen. And the more rabid the fanbase, the louder the rumor.

Are any of these rumors legit? Who knows. But they certainly are loud.

Arrested Development


Why it will never happen: Think how many really talented people have to come together to make this movie a reality. As far as I’ve heard, nobody except Michael Cera has expressed hesitance, but Arrested Development was a magic constellation of awesome the first time. Think about how difficult it is to organize dinner out with a few of your friends from different groups. And let’s face it, your friends are nowhere near as awesome or in demand as the cast and crew of AD.

Why it will be awesome if it does: This show was violently ripped from the airwaves before many people, myself included, even got around to watching it. Network interference crippled the final season, and while the big-screen treatment might change the dynamic of the show, at least they’d have the freedom to do whatever the hell they wanted. Plus, The People Of The Internet would finally shut up about it. I'd chalk that up as a win.

The Economics of Film

Seeing movies is a pricey hobby. I mean, it’s not like owning a boat or anything, but those ticket stubs and giant Diet Cokes add up, and in an economy like this one, you can’t just shell out for each and every film that crosses your favorite theater’s threshold. You’ve got to have some kind of a system.

For instance. The latest Harry Potter movie comes out, and I’m willing to pay the full $8.50 to see it at the midnight show rather than waiting for the Saturday afternoon matinee. In fact, I’m even willing to pay the $15 or so it costs to see it in IMAX, if possible. To take it even further, a midnight showing of a film my friends and I are as excited about as we are Harry Potter is an event—we may wind up meeting for dinner beforehand, or at least filling our tankers a time or two at the Movie Tavern. This winds up being a $20-30+ evening.

Then take something like the just-out How Do You Know. I think this looks cute, and I’ll see anything with Paul Rudd’s name on it. It probably won’t warrant a nighttime viewing, however—what am I, made of money? I’ll save it for a matinee on a rainy weekend afternoon.

But then there are movies like The Green Lantern, which I said I’d probably see, but it might get relegated to the dollar theater a couple months after its release. Ryan Reynolds or no, you’ve gotta draw the line somewhere.

My scale goes something like this: IMAX movie event --> Full-price nighttime movie --> Weekend matinee --> $2 theater --> $1 theater --> Talk mom into taking me next time we hang out --> Impulse Redbox rental as I’m walking out of Kroger --> Wait for it to maybe come to Netflix streaming --> Read synopsis on Wikipedia --> Nod and smile when its mentioned in casual conversation.

Or with a movie like Yogi Bear, you go all the way down to the bottom of scale where I laugh derisively at anyone who suggests we go see it.

A girl's gotta have priorities.

Milk, Eggs and Fabric Softener

You know you're old when you're watching Home Alone for the millionth time with a group of similarly-old friends, and all any of you can remark on is the irresponsibility of all the characters' actions.

You also know you're old when Home Alone came out twenty years ago. Dear god.

Check out the Home Alone Lunchtime Quiz Mental Floss did a couple weeks back to feel smart.

A Christmas Memory

It’s officially December, marked by a chill in the air, tree lots outside every grocery store and the commencement of ABC Family’s 25 Days Of Mediocre Christmas Movies.

This is not a story about the kind of Christmas movies that you fold into your family’s holiday traditions, watching year after year with a nostalgic glint in your eye and a candy cane in your hand. This is not a story about the classics. I’m not here to preach to the choir about how awesome Home Alone, Scrooged and Elf are.

No, instead I want to talk about the Christmas movies I couldn’t get enough of as a child. They’re almost certainly terrible, but I’ll almost certainly never, ever watch any of them again, so they’ll live on, perfect and faint in my fading memory.

When I was very young, I had a VHS copy of Babes In Toyland, the made-for-TV version starring a young Drew Barrymore (and also, apparently, Keanu Reeves and Mr. Miyagi. Whoa). I practically wore this video out, and my parents hated it—perhaps only partially because of the repetition, as it can’t have been good. All I really remember about it now is wanting to live in Toyland, but then, what kid wouldn’t?

Or what about Prancer, the 1989 classic about a little girl who keeps a reindeer as a pet or something? I think it was sick and she nurses it back to life, only to discover it’s really one of Santa’s reindeer. Or maybe it’s a movie about a girl having a schizophrenic break, but either way. Who didn’t love movies about kids with weird pets? Andre, Free Willy, Monkey Trouble—as kids we’re suckers for the idea of having an exotic animal for our very own, or at the very least, as our BFF. Although I don’t think a reindeer would provide the kind of stimulating conversation I’ve come to expect in a BFF.

Next up was All I Want For Christmas, a family film about a pair of kids trying to reunite their divorced-or-maybe-just-separated-I-can’t-remember parents in time for the holidays. Ethan Embry played the boy, and I might have had a crush on him, but I’m not sure. IMDb tells me that the kids’ elaborate scheme involved “mice, telephone calls, and an ice-cream truck,” though none of that rings a bell. To be honest, all I really remember about this movie is that it exists. Which is probably how I’m going to keep it.

Later came Christmas Every Day, the made-for-TV movie that basically ripped off Groundhog’s Day with a kid instead of Bill Murray. The kid in question was Erik Von Detton, on whom I definitely had a crush (later making Brink a cinematic masterpiece in my household), and he has to learn to not be selfish or to be nice to his sister or to shoot a basketball or something. In any case, it’s like Groundhog’s Day with training wheels, and who doesn’t love Groundhog’s Day? Ergo, Christmas Every Day—probably every bit as awesome as I remember. Maybe.

This Christmas season, I’ll probably be watching Love Actually, maybe Home Alone 2 (though never 3), possibly a couple versions of Miracle on 34th Street, but I think I’ll leave these others to my memory. We grown-ups just can't appreciate quality Christmas movies.

Coming Soon

Out of all the aspects of the movie-going experience-- the anticipation of seeing a good film, the delicious Sour Patch Kids, the beer (what, your theater of choice doesn’t serve beer?)-- my favorite by far is the previews.

Maybe it’s the tradition of trailers leading up to a movie, despite the fact that they used to actually follow the showing (hence “trailers,” obviously). Maybe it’s because the stupid in-house pre-show trivia that wants to tell me over and over again that Tobey Maguire and Leonardo DiCaprio are BFFs (as if I didn’t know) is finally over. Maybe it's just the build-up of anticipation before the big show begins. Whatever the reason, I love them.

I saw Harry Potter this weekend-- twice, actually (go ahead: call me a nerd; I embrace it). I saw it both times at the same theater, and so of course, sat through the same five previews. And oh, man. What disappointments they were. Let’s review:

The Eagle:
Not a strong start, Coming Attractions. I’d never heard of this movie, which appears to be about Roman soldiers and their slaves and rivers and the colors of the wind or something. I zoned out about 30 seconds in, because you know if Channing Tatum is in something, it’s not really necessary to pay attention (I mean, I know, Step Up 2: The Streets was pretty hard to follow, but I think you can keep up with this one).

I’m not a huge fan of historical battle movies or heartbeat effects in trailers or Donald “Crazy Eyes” Sutherland, so I only perked up for the split-second that I thought Jamie Bell was actually James McAvoy, then slipped back into my state of not-paying-attention.

Cowboys & Aliens:
Okay, I kind of get the appeal. Genre movies are hot right now, for one thing, and this combines two genres. And Han Solo is in it, though he looks more like Indy and thus less awesome. And James Bond, but whatever, I’ve never seen a Bond movie. In any case, I sort of get it.

But the preview is just this kind of bewildering, meandering thing. And it makes me fear that the film itself will feature little more than the titular groups shooting at each other and also, are you kidding me? Aliens have spaceships and laser guns. Why is this not just called Cowboys & The Aliens Who Handily Kill Off All The Cowboys Before Wiping Out Earth’s Civilization In Time For Afternoon Tea? The cowboys don’t stand a chance. Even if Han does shoot first.

Yogi Bear:
Justin Timberlake can do no wrong—or can he? I have a strong aversion to cartoon characters in live action settings (Space Jam, you ruined it for all of us), so I would skip this no matter who voiced the bears. Honestly, is it really necessary to make a film so freaking creepy? Is it just cheaper to make a partially animated feature rather than a full-length one? I mean, the level of creepiness doesn’t come close to that Smiling Dogs commercial, but seriously. Go all or nothing-- either make an entirely animated Yogi Bear movie, or film real-life Grizzlies snacking on PB&Js while water-skiing. Geez. I’m not asking for much.

Red Riding Hood:
They lost me at “By the director of Twilight.’” Although maybe that’s a selling point, after all-- the first Twilight movie was chock full of unintentional hilarity. I even really like Amanda Seyfried, but I just don’t think she’s enough to make me want to see what appears to be a film version of the game Are You A Werewolf that takes itself entirely too seriously.

In any case, expect a full line of Hot Topic accessories to accompany this one’s release. It’s not so bad; I was getting a little tired of vampires, anyway.

Green Lantern:
Okay, this I might see. But not because Ryan Reynolds is in it! Well. Not just because Ryan Reynolds is in it. I tend to dig comic book movies in spite of never having read comic books, and although I couldn’t pick the Green Lantern out of a line-up of other green things (Goblin? Hornet? Giant? They all look the same to me. Is that racist?), I think of all the movies I received sneak peeks of this weekend, this is the only one that might be worth my $8.50.

And that was that. Fortunately for me, these lackluster previews preceded an excellent movie. Besides, while I’ve never tried it, I doubt a theater manager would refund your ticket money because you complained that the previews sucked.

Although really. Having been forced to endure animated bears frolicking in live-action Jellystone with Tom Cavanaugh from Ed? It might have been worth asking.

Note: Sorry for the technical difficulties this week, guys! Please update your bookmarks to http://www.TTTKO.com. Love to you all and happy Thanksgiving!

All Grown Up

I didn't have a childhood.

Or at least, that's what some would have me believe when they find out that at the advanced age of 25, I've never seen The Goonies.

Months and months ago, I borrowed a copy from a friend who effused that I had to watch it, that I would love it. Life was incomplete without experiencing the shared nostalgia of millions of Goonies fans. Well, months and months went by and I never felt like watching it, for fear of it not living up to the hype. Until tonight.

Did it live up to the hype? Nah, not really. I enjoyed it, and I know I would have really enjoyed it as a child. But some things have to be experienced at a time and in a place, or else it never really feels right.

Surely there was a toy you always wanted as a kid, the one you begged your parents for every year before your birthday, the one scribbled in thick marker, highlighted and triple-underlined at the tippy-top of your Christmas list year after year. And of course you didn't get it-- you got a pair of pajamas, which was pretty lame, and maybe a Polly Pocket set, or if that wasn't your style, a TMNT action figure. Maybe you were even lucky enough to recieve one of the more coveted gifts wrapped up under your tree-- Rollerblades, or Moon Shoes (I totally had Moon Shoes). But it was never exactly what you wanted, because it wasn't that one thing.

I wanted a freaking Power Wheel. For years. I had a neighbor who had one-- the red Jeep, if you must know-- when I was 3 or 4, and she would never let me drive. Not content to be ever the passenger, I wished and prayed and cajoled for my parents to give in and get me a Power Wheel of my very own. If I remember correctly, I had my sights set on a convertible. Well, I never woke up to discover one under the tree, wrapped in a bright red bow, and I likewise went without on birthday upon birthday. I'm not sure when the longing went away-- the website seems to have designated these cars as being for ages 2-6, so maybe after first or second grade I just gave up. To this day I'm jealous of kids who had Power Wheels. However, if I were to get one now? I just don't think it would fulfill my expectations. Where is the iPod hookup, I might inquire, and what is the cup-holder situation in this thing? Anti-lock brakes? Just how many horses power this engine? I don't know that it would satisfy my 3-year-old self's imagination.

So I missed out on The Goonies. So I wasn't a licensed driver, cruising around my elementary school playground. I think I turned out okay in spite of it. Surely we all missed out on something that everybody else seemed to experience. At least now I can finally join the throngs of the culturally elite in understanding Goonies references (they never say die, I hear).

P.S. Did you know-- and I'm SURE that you didn't-- that they make a Power Wheels Cadillac Escalade? Um, what?

Glued To The TV

Picture this. It's a Sunday afternoon, and you've got very important Sunday afternoon business to attend to: the laundry needs doing; you want to make it to the gym; the cat needs to be fed. But first, why not watch a little bit of TV? A half hour couldn't hurt.

But then you're flipping channels, and you come across That Movie. You know the one. The one that means you won't be flipping any further, because you can't help but watch this film even though you've seen it so many times before. 1000 Awesome Things calls them "glue movies." I call them time sucks.

My friend Sara and I were talking about these kinds of movies the other day, and agreed that as females, we simply can't help but watch everytime the Amanda Bynes classic, 'What A Girl Wants,' is shown on Oxygen or USA or whatever channel shows sort of lame girly movies. I don't think we're alone in this boat-- I know I've seen friends' statuses on Facebook before about watching this movie, and they surely didn't seek it out. It was on, and we're contractually obligated to watch it. We just settle in for the next couple hours and feel thankful it's not an America's Next Top Model marathon. We could lose a whole day on that one.

On a less girly note, I find myself utterly incapable of changing the channel whenever any of the Mighty Ducks movies are on. And that includes the third one-- that's how deep this river runs. Maybe it's Joshua Jackson's dreamy influence, but regardless, I have no control. The laundry remains dirty. The gym remains empty. The cat goes hungry (but I don't have a cat, so that's not, in fact, cruelty to animals, and is, in fact, proof that I'm not insane, because how crazy would it be to feed an imaginary cat? I mean, really).

What movie is like this for you? I bet it's something lame; these kinds of films aren't usually works of cinematic genius. But it's okay to admit it. After all, I've spent multiple hours of my life watching Amanda Bynes fall down a lot. There's no shame here.

Summer Report Card

If there are so many new releases vying for your attention that you can't choose which to see, maybe you should rely on movie posters to make your decision. If you're too overwhelmed or lazy to even do that, you could always just use my decisions to make your decisions. Or use a dart board or one of those nerdy dice with a billion sides. Hey, whatever works for you.

1. Killers (opens June 4)
This movie has gotten lukewarm early press, and I'm going to have to give a lukewarm response to its poster as well. Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher are both pretty, of course, so it has that going for it-- but I'm fairly certain that's what it's banking on to sell the movie. From what I can tell from the poster, I guess they're married? And want to kill... each other? Or the dude hiding at the weird bottom of the poster wants to kill them? Or Ashton Kutcher wants to kill himself because Katherine Heigl won't stop whining about how she misses being on Grey's Anatomy? I don't know. The pink text and the cast itself indiciates to me that they're trying to sell it to the ladies, but I think they're also hoping that the guns and intrigue will sell it to the dudes as well. Good luck with that. I think most guys know better than to see Katherine Heigl movies by now. C

2. Marmaduke (opens June 4)
This is a movie now? Really? I suppose I'm not surprised. I have a very strong prejudice against movies starring animals whose mouths move when they talk (oh, how I long for the salad days of Homeward Bound, when all movie animals just read each others' minds), so I'll probably pass regardless of the poster. But let's focus. LIVE LARGE. Get it?? Because Marmaduke is giant? And apparently he can drive a car. Or maybe he's just riding along; it's hard to tell. And he's wearing sunglasses, see, because Marmaduke gets treated like a human. I'm not sure if the movie will be full of the kind of lame jokes of the comic strip, or the kind of equally lame but more fart-oriented jokes of modern talking animal movies, but I will not be seeing it and you probably shouldn't either. Instead, go read all the Marmaduke Explained archives. They're hilarious. C-

3. The A-Team (opens June 11)
I will preface this with the fact that I don't know anything about the A-Team. Is that with Mr. T? Who pities fools? I don't know. In any case, I kind of dig this poster. It sort of looks like it was slapped together in 15 minutes, but maybe that's the look they're going for-- ridiculous and devil-may-care. Or something. In any case, Bradley Cooper has pretty, pretty blue eyes, and I like the juxtaposition of all the faces. Still probably won't see it, but I dig it well enough. B+

4. The Karate Kid (opens June 11)
Now this I like. It's a clean design and the colors pop. There's no pretty, airbrushed woman smiling coyly with one leg in the air like in way too many movie posters (though in this case, who would that be? Jackie Chan?) And I like how Jaden Smith isn't in TOTAL sillhouette, but you can still make out his face. In any case, this is just visually appealing to me and I will probably see the movie. Though I think I would anyway, so maybe these posters actually have little or no bearing on my actions. Alas. A-

5. The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (opens June 30)
Heh. If tradition holds, I'll be seeing this one opening night at midnight with a lot of beer on hand, regardless of its poster. True to form, it's another Twilight poster that takes the love triangle angle and makes everybody's face look so shiny and smooth that it's almost creepy. But they're selling to little girls (and lonely moms, of course), so the romance aspect is what they want to play up. But make no mistakes-- vampires get their heads viciously ripped off by other vampires in this movie. If I had any faith left in anyone involved in the franchise, there could be some really cool stuff going on in the climax scenes. But regardless, the poster: eh. I don't think there's a person in America who is or isn't going to see this movie based on what the poster looks like. So I grade it moot.