Peevishness

Today is a Day.

Not quite one of these days, but it's not too far behind. An overwhelming amount of workplace drama as well as a feeling that an implosion is imminent if said drama doesn't cool it means everyone around me is a little bit aggravated, so today I'm going to tell you about my pet peeves.

I realize it's almost like I'm providing you with an arsenal of ways to annoy me, but I think I can trust you. Can I?

1. When people leave time on the microwave timer. If I see this, I have to reset it. It's a compulsion. But besides, how hard is it to simply let the time run out? Do you really need your popcorn three seconds faster? I hope it's full of unpopped kernels.

2. Unread messages or alerts. I can't stand seeing those little red numbers in the corners of apps on the screen of my iPhone. Likewise, my Gmail and Facebook inboxes always have to be clear of unread messages. It may not matter to me that LA Fitness wants me back (they really, really do) or that my alma mater's having a Homecoming celebration I'll never make it to. These messages must be dealt with and they must be dealt with now.

3. Listening to one side of a conversation. Like when someone's beside me in the car and they're talking on the phone. I don't care what they're talking about! It could be the weather or birthday parties or Russian spy secrets for all I care. It's just the one-sidedness that gets on my nerves.

4. The sound of people rubbing their hands together. Like when you're cold, or feeling diabolical. It's worse than fingernails on a chalkboard for me. If you use this information against me, I shall be very cross.

I'm not saying if you can shield me from all these things, you'll be my #1 favorite person of all time. But you'll be getting pretty close. As in, "look out, Brian Williams" close.

I mean, that rubbing sound really bothers me.

WTF Abbrevs?

Amy recently wrote an article where she addressed the use of the word “foodie”. While I tend to agree with her assessment, I'm not really sure I trust the source. She is a reliable blogger and knows her stuff (fingers crossed), but Amy is guilty of using “abbrevs” in everyday speech.

For those who may not know what I am talking about, an “abbrev” is an abbreviated form of abbreviation. Yeah, I did it. Abbrevs, however, are not just abbreviations, but are typically spoken and often don’t make logical sense. For some reason, this trend has been picking up amongst twenty-something year-old females. I am here to do what any good blogger should do. I am going to bitch about it.

Let us start with what I find to be the most annoying of them all and that is “presh”. It is so obnoxious I feel like I need to spell it p-r-e-$-h. The word is short for appreciate but it is usually used in place of the phrase “thank you”. I did something nice for you and you thank me by half-assing a word that doesn’t even apply to the situation. YOUR welcome, get it?

There is also “obvi”, short for the term obviously. Can you abbreviate an adverb? Hearing that word actually sparks my right arm into “slap-a-ho” mode. Let me go ahead and clarify that I would never hit a lady unless I was in a “shamwow” scenario but if you say “obvi” I assume you went to Valley High School. BAYSIDE TIGERS RULE! Some other AWESOME abbrevs include: ridic (ridiculous), whatev (whatever), jeal (jealous), tots (totally), probs (probably) and def (definitely). I want to shoot myself in the face with gun that shoots angry chimps that have gloves on that are covered in nails.

Do they hate the English language that much? Hell, if anyone is going to hate the English language it should be Mattie. I say this because I use it repeatedly to rape him during debate in front of a modest public audience. Also, let me clarify Amy is a "light user" when it comes to "abbrevs: and most of this rant has not been directed at her.

Why? Why, abbrev users, do you make yourself seem lazy and your IQ seem about twenty points lower? WHY!?!?!