A Thanksgiving to Remember

Some of our readers know a little bit about this, but I guess I'll go into a bit more detail.

Virginia's mother (Jane) and grandfather (grandpa) came in to Philly for Thanksgiving. They were wonderful guests and we had a wonderful Thanksgiving meal and everything was wonderful.

On Saturday, we went to see Hubble at an IMAX theater. Oddly, at this theater they ask you to climb some stairs to exit, rather than just going out the way you came in. Well, 91 year-old grandpa successfully conquered the steps, but once he got to the top he wobbled/tripped on his feet and fell. He landed on his hip. After much ado, we get him to the hospital. Turns out he fracture the head of his femur where it joins into the socket of the hip. His surgery is today.

However, while we're all waiting around in the hospital on Saturday, Jane and Virginia start getting frantic phone calls. Jane's house in Indiana is on fire. OH OKAY WHAT.

The initial details were sketchy but painted a bleak picture. Which I guess you would expect with A HOUSE FIRE. Of course, we're hundreds of miles away and can't really do anything.

SO THAT'S MY THANKSGIVING. This has been one hell of a weekend. And while I feel bad for grandpa, I know that he'll be okay, ultimately. The fire has been the most affecting event. This was a house full of stuff, certainly, but also full of memories. Jane's life was encapsulated in this house. What do you do when it's just a shell? Where do you go?

This sort of experience always makes me introspective. I find myself thinking about what things I would desperately hope were okay (aside from people and pets because DUH). Here are my results:

• A clock my grandfather gave me
  
• Things Virginia has given me over the years
  
• My two guitars (I can get another amp)
  
• Computer
  
• Masters diploma
  
• All my damn books
  

Aaaand.... honestly, that's basically it. I mean, I would certainly be relieved if certain items made it out (Wii, external hard drive, clothing, shoes, etc), but I think I'd be relatively okay if they didn't.

And of course, being an academic, I start asking questions like: to what extent do we define ourselves by the things we own?

But I'm curious... what items would be on your list?




(They suspect the fire started in the garage and climbed up the backside of the house. There is much more that is salvageable/okay than we previously thought. The house is still a loss, but it could have been worse.)

Coming Soon

Out of all the aspects of the movie-going experience-- the anticipation of seeing a good film, the delicious Sour Patch Kids, the beer (what, your theater of choice doesn’t serve beer?)-- my favorite by far is the previews.

Maybe it’s the tradition of trailers leading up to a movie, despite the fact that they used to actually follow the showing (hence “trailers,” obviously). Maybe it’s because the stupid in-house pre-show trivia that wants to tell me over and over again that Tobey Maguire and Leonardo DiCaprio are BFFs (as if I didn’t know) is finally over. Maybe it's just the build-up of anticipation before the big show begins. Whatever the reason, I love them.

I saw Harry Potter this weekend-- twice, actually (go ahead: call me a nerd; I embrace it). I saw it both times at the same theater, and so of course, sat through the same five previews. And oh, man. What disappointments they were. Let’s review:

The Eagle:
Not a strong start, Coming Attractions. I’d never heard of this movie, which appears to be about Roman soldiers and their slaves and rivers and the colors of the wind or something. I zoned out about 30 seconds in, because you know if Channing Tatum is in something, it’s not really necessary to pay attention (I mean, I know, Step Up 2: The Streets was pretty hard to follow, but I think you can keep up with this one).

I’m not a huge fan of historical battle movies or heartbeat effects in trailers or Donald “Crazy Eyes” Sutherland, so I only perked up for the split-second that I thought Jamie Bell was actually James McAvoy, then slipped back into my state of not-paying-attention.

Cowboys & Aliens:
Okay, I kind of get the appeal. Genre movies are hot right now, for one thing, and this combines two genres. And Han Solo is in it, though he looks more like Indy and thus less awesome. And James Bond, but whatever, I’ve never seen a Bond movie. In any case, I sort of get it.

But the preview is just this kind of bewildering, meandering thing. And it makes me fear that the film itself will feature little more than the titular groups shooting at each other and also, are you kidding me? Aliens have spaceships and laser guns. Why is this not just called Cowboys & The Aliens Who Handily Kill Off All The Cowboys Before Wiping Out Earth’s Civilization In Time For Afternoon Tea? The cowboys don’t stand a chance. Even if Han does shoot first.

Yogi Bear:
Justin Timberlake can do no wrong—or can he? I have a strong aversion to cartoon characters in live action settings (Space Jam, you ruined it for all of us), so I would skip this no matter who voiced the bears. Honestly, is it really necessary to make a film so freaking creepy? Is it just cheaper to make a partially animated feature rather than a full-length one? I mean, the level of creepiness doesn’t come close to that Smiling Dogs commercial, but seriously. Go all or nothing-- either make an entirely animated Yogi Bear movie, or film real-life Grizzlies snacking on PB&Js while water-skiing. Geez. I’m not asking for much.

Red Riding Hood:
They lost me at “By the director of Twilight.’” Although maybe that’s a selling point, after all-- the first Twilight movie was chock full of unintentional hilarity. I even really like Amanda Seyfried, but I just don’t think she’s enough to make me want to see what appears to be a film version of the game Are You A Werewolf that takes itself entirely too seriously.

In any case, expect a full line of Hot Topic accessories to accompany this one’s release. It’s not so bad; I was getting a little tired of vampires, anyway.

Green Lantern:
Okay, this I might see. But not because Ryan Reynolds is in it! Well. Not just because Ryan Reynolds is in it. I tend to dig comic book movies in spite of never having read comic books, and although I couldn’t pick the Green Lantern out of a line-up of other green things (Goblin? Hornet? Giant? They all look the same to me. Is that racist?), I think of all the movies I received sneak peeks of this weekend, this is the only one that might be worth my $8.50.

And that was that. Fortunately for me, these lackluster previews preceded an excellent movie. Besides, while I’ve never tried it, I doubt a theater manager would refund your ticket money because you complained that the previews sucked.

Although really. Having been forced to endure animated bears frolicking in live-action Jellystone with Tom Cavanaugh from Ed? It might have been worth asking.

Note: Sorry for the technical difficulties this week, guys! Please update your bookmarks to http://www.TTTKO.com. Love to you all and happy Thanksgiving!

5n5: Bad Reputation

I am trying something new. I win so many debates with Mattie that I guess I just got bored. Joking. I am not bored of winning. Check out my 5n5 video. If you like it I will keep doing them.

The Most Dangerous Game[s]

You know how chocolate is pretty awesome? And peanut butter is also pretty awesome? But peanut butter M&Ms are really awesome? This is kind of like that.

I love TV. You're shocked, I'm sure. Another shocking fact-- I also love drinking. Combine the two, and you've pretty much got the best Thursday night ever.

If you want to hear what Mikey and Mattie have to say about drinking games, consult the Plastercast episode of TT.TKO. But I know you really want to hear what I have to say. My favorite kind of drinking games are ones played along with TV shows. I prefer to play with beer, but that's just because I'm a beer girl. Use your judgment. Just don't blame me for the wretched hangover you get from pounding a shot of Jager every time House is sarcastic. Not my problem. You should've known better.

Law & Order: SVU
1. Drink whenever someone says the word “rape.”
2. Drink whenever they do something in a lab or on a computer that probably can't actually be done in real life.
3. Drink whenever Stabler blows up at someone or gets angry.
4. Drink whenever they play the “BUM BUM” noise.
5. Two drinks whenever it turns out it was the first suspect after all.

American Idol
1. Drink whenever Randy says something completely nonsensical.
2. Drink whenever a contestant tears up; take a bonus drink if they start crying.
3. Two drinks whenever a contestant uses their sad backstory to garner votes.
4. Drink whenever you miss Paula.
5. Finish your beer whenever Simon isn’t wearing a V-neck.*
*This can be adapted to whatever obnoxious habits the new judges have, which I’m sure will be numerous and varied.


30 Rock
1. Drink whenever Jack calls Liz "Lemon."
2. Drink whenever Kenneth does something that totally stereotypes the South but is still pretty funny.
3. Two drinks whenever they try to act like Tina Fey isn't actually pretty hot.
4. Finish your beer whenever Tracey makes complete and total sense.


How I Met Your Mother
1. Drink whenever Bob Saget’s voiceover says “Kids...”
2. Drink whenever Lily and Marshall are sickeningly cute.
3. Drink whenever Ted says something douchey and pretentious.
4. Drink whenever they drink.
5. Finish your beer if Alan Thicke appears.


Two and a Half Men
1. Drink whenever you want to change the channel.*
2. Drink whenever you can guess the punchline before the characters get to it.
3. Two drinks whenever you get angry about Jon Cryer actually winning an Emmy for this dreck.
 *Warning: You will end up completely plastered.


Sounds like a blast, right? You pick up the beer; I'll program the TiVo. Cheers!

Mythbusters vs Top Gear

Mikey and I argue which is the better show: Mythbusters or Top Gear...

I THINK THE PICTURE SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.

Find us on iTunes or download here

after school snack

i love snacks.

one of my favorite artists also loves snacks. in fact, when he (andrew bird) sings about the end of the world (i think thats what that song is about) he says, "there will be snacks, there will!" and that makes the end of the world ok. through my failsafeandrewbirdlogic you can see that snacks = awesome.

but the older i get, the more i'm having some problems with snacks. i know that my taste buds have become significantly more sophisticated, and that i understand much more about food now than i have in the past but none of these things helps me make sense of this problem.

problem:
there are some treats and eats that as an adult are not nearly as satisfying as they were when i was a kid.

examples:
american cheese melted on ritz crackers
hot pockets
taquitos
potato chips
pizza rolls

there are more examples, but these were some of my staples. one of my staples i want to take a moment and ponder is pizza rolls. Matt and Mikey are a little crazy about these little nuggets. every time they hang out for a while, they pick up a bag (or three) of pizza rolls and drink beer and soda and play video games. its really super cute. however, i just can't seem to reach that awesome spot that they still seem to hold onto.


really, the only snack i can think of that has not lost its magic for me is the almighty bagel bite.

OHMYGODTHEYARESOAWESOME!

they are pizza and a bagel and cheesey and yummy. in fact, they are still so magical for me that i still eat them the same way as i always have.
procedure: scrape off all the toppings. eat the bagel. eat the toppings. repeat a million times.
my parents and i used to go to Sam's Club for some of our grocery shopping and i would beg my parents to buy me the superHUGE box of bagel bites. then, each day after school i would sneak as many bagel bites as i could before my mom noticed. a good word for this is obsessed.

Another Monday Routine

Today will be a short post because I have an exam for which to study. But I'm going to cram this blog full of links. Last week I told you about my proclivity for reading in place of... anything else on Monday mornings. Today I will again offer up those things holding my interest.

• The first bullet has multiple links all spawning from one source. Unpublished photos of cave drawings in Lascaux from the late 1940's. At upwards of 18,000 years old, these drawings are pretty fascinating. The same photographer covered all sorts of crazy stuff: the liberation of Paris; the day of Einstein's death; Apollo 11; Babe Ruth's last days on the diamond. He has lived through and photographed some amazing things, and I'm jealous. But history will be made in my days, too; I just probably won't be as close to it as he was.



• Stone megaliths were uncovered in 1994, and some archeologists consider it to be the most important dig site...ever. The title is a bit sensationalistic, but this is the oldest such site ever found, predating agriculture. This suggests we need to rethink our commonly held views about the life and culture of hunter-gatherers.



• The head of British forces says victory over al-Qaeda is impossible. It's a very level-headed perspective, and at least makes sense through a historical lens.



• A piece by Roger Ebert (my favorite!) about Wall Street and the mortgage business. The article speaks for itself, but now I really want to watch Inside Job.



• Dark energy might have been stronger in the past.



• This is old in internet terms, meaning I've seen before sometime in the past, but it's just a little graph to give some perspective.



• Lastly, for the ladies: you may have read recently that demand for chocolate may exceed supply within our lifetimes... But there is hope! The chocolate genome may save the day.

I hope you find some of these things as interesting as I do. If not, OH WELL. You came here and THIS IS WHAT YOU GET SO DEAL. And now I'm off to study....


UPDATE: This is amazing; read it. Guano Islands Act

Five Things That Need To Make A Comeback

There is nothing more awesome than a comeback story. Ok, well maybe TT.TKO is pretty friggin’ awesome, except for that lame-o Mattie. I have searched the whole entire world for the five things that are due for a comeback. HEY! DON’T QUESTION MY LOGIC!!!! IT IS FLAWLESS! You can tell I am serious by the use of capslock.

1. 80’s Music
Holy crap I love me some 80’s music. Pat Benatar “WE WILL BE INVINCIBLE!!!” may just be the sexiest thing ever. I’ll just give you bands that share their names with places to prove my point: Asia, Berlin, Europe, Big Country, Boston, A Flock of Seagulls… this list could be endless.

2. Cartoons
If there is something that I loved more than 80’s music, other than my own sweet ass, it would have to be cartoons. I believe as a child I was really lucky to grow up in a world of TMNT, Doug, Rugrats, Ahhh! Real Monsters and Hey! Arnold. I feel for the kids of today with their Yu-Gi-Oh and Sponge Bob. WHERE ARE YOUR TALKING BABIES!?!? NO THE E*Trade BABY DOES NOT COUNT!!!

3. Trilogies
Star Wars! What? They made three more movies? What the fuck is a JAR JAR? You had me at Natalie Portman. She fucking dies?! BULL SHIT! Ok, so the first Star Wars Trilogy, Back to the Future and The Lord of the Rings are amazing, but trilogies have been falling off as of late. Pirates of the Caribbean and The Matrix are anchored by their first movie and seem to say “fuck it” after that. I WANT MORE MICHAEL J. FOX! I can see him as a werewolf playing basketball? TOP THAT, TWILIGHT!

4. Tom Selleck
First let me say that this is only Tom Selleck with a mustache. Not that baby-faced imposter who showed up for a year or so. Seriously, ladies, how do you have sex with other men knowing Tom Selleck is out there? He is the only man on the planet who can legitimately have the nickname Magnum. Bring back the 'stache!

5. Point Break
Uh, where do I fucking start? Oscar-winning director Kathryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker) blows up your mind in this orgasmic action movie. I wish I could have been sitting at the pitch meeting for this. Hey, I got this movie with guys who dress up like former presidents then rob banks and in their spare time they go surfing and skydiving. Can we get Busey? YES! GARY “I would probably eat my own young one day if I only knew how to get this toaster pregnant” BUSEY, Patrick Swayze and The One all make this movie ah-fucking-mazing.

Boosh, five things that need to make a come back. Now get to work. Someone call Busey. I need a lady to call Mr. Selleck. I will work on the cartoons.

I Just Can't Get You Out Of My Head

You know how it can be kind of annoying when you get a song in your head and just can’t get it out? How about when having that song in your head means you’ll be replaying entire episodes of classic TV shows in your mind for days on end?

Okay, there are worse fates. But isn't it funny how, years and years later, these songs and their lyrics stick with us like the state capitals or the elements of the Periodic Table never really could? 

For some reason it's alarmingly hard to find videos of the actual intros to some of these shows on YouTube. Apparently watching theme songs for nostalgia purposes is damaging to a given media conglomerate's bottom line and must be stamped out with haste. In any case, here's a sampling of the theme songs I'll never, ever forget:

1. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

This song is an instant classic.Who can't identify with the Fresh Prince? There were guys who were up to no good making trouble in my neighborhood, too.

It helps that Bel Air-ing is my favorite internet meme since the Rickroll came on the scene. I guess I prefer my memes laden with cheesy 80’s pop, but if that's wrong, I don't want to be right.

2. Saved By The Bell

 Saved By The Bell was my absolute favorite throughout childhood (and let's face it, my favorite on those early high school mornings, too). My first crush that wasn't on Dale from Rescue Rangers was on Zack Morris. I dressed as Kelly Kapowski for Halloween two years ago. But this song and its 80's-tastic intro probably ranks as the most memorable thing about the show to me.

Incidentally, if you want to listen to Mikey and Mattie yell at each other about whether Saved By The Bell or Fresh Prince is the best, we've got you covered.

3. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Yum, pizza. And Michaelangelo is best BTW.

4. Doug

Not be confused with the later version, after Doug moved to Disney and everyone started looking kind of funny and Patti Mayonnaise became tanorexic. Apparently any and all videos of the real Doug theme have been tragically stricken from YouTube. This is probably for the same reason that Doug is one of the only NickToons Netflix doesn't carry, and thus life is a cruel joke.

While we're specifically only discussing theme songs, I do want to give a shout out to such classic Doug tunes as "I Need Mo' Allowance," by the Beets, and "Bangin' On A Trash Can," by Doug, et al. They're on my iPod (for jamming purposes) and should probably be on yours, too.

5. Duck Tales

The Duck Tales theme is probably my favorite of the bunch, and I've been known to have frequent Duck Tales Dance Parties in my car. But who can resist that catchy melody? The "quack quack quack quack"? The "woo oo"? I defy you to listen to this song without at least humming along, if not totally rocking out.

I mean, come on. After all, life is like a hurricane.

Villains to Work

GOSH THIS ECONOMY RIGHT?? Maybe you just graduated from villain school, or maybe your villain-plans fell through... Whatever the case, we're here to help.

TT.TKO STAFFING SERVICES

We'll tell you what villains fit best at what job and why.

wild nonsense of a sick woman

disclaimer: i do not feel like capitalizing so deal with it.

so its fall and once again, i am sick.
every year in the fall i get sick and when i was a child i thought that disease was somehow carried in the cold air and that just being alive when the seasons were changing would get me sick. as an adult, i learned that the cold and flu viruses are carried all year round by any and everyone and that it is the habit of people staying inside and being huddled together that transmits disease.
well. i'm not sure about either of those theories now. like so many things in my life, i could not completely get rid of the magical ideas i had as a kid that were trampled on as i became more educated by the world. so now i sort of believe that its a mystical variation of mother nature giving me this sickness. she is testing my body to see if i can make it through the winter like some ancient human and planet ritual that has been going on for eons.

i'm kind of a lot like the tea partiers. i have made up my own version of reality and instead of believing FACTS like a normal and logical human being i'm sticking with my fiction. it doesn't really matter how much sense it makes, i feel like mother nature has issued me a order of ill health and there is nothing i can do about it.
there is no amount of reading up on the illness (usually a cold or the simple flu as it is this time) that can convince me that it is not something life threatening.
a headache becomes a brain tumor.
a cough becomes tuberculosis.
maybe my hand starts twitching - OH GOD I'VE GOT MS.
in fact, i usually take the time while i'm sick to consider my place on earth and maybe even revisit my will. maybe i'll give my computer to Rosie. obviously Matt can have my car. maybe they can sell my paintings for charity and donate the funds to the democratic party....because i really do hate the tea partiers. in college when my roommate and i had the stomach flu, i played the death march every time someone entered the room - purely just to let them know we were nearing the end.
yes, soon i will need to hug Matt and my cat and bid them adieu. mine will be a slow, quiet death. it will be riddled with coughing and snot, but i shall try to go gracefully into that dark light.

but i have so much to live for!! never another cheddar bay biscuit from red lobster? never another krispy kreme donut?! there must be some marvel of modern science that can rectify the hex mother nature has cast upon me. so after wallowing for a few days...i end up at the doctors and they usually prescribe something or other that works in a few days after that.
obviously, i continue to live and carry on. (until the next change of seasons)

but god help us if i ever actually get a serious disease.

Morning Routine - Reading

Once again we find ourselves awake (WHY GOD?) on Monday morning.

I work for the Mathematics and Science Resource Center, known colloquially as the MSRC, tutoring a Math for Truly Dumb Idiots course, which is usually called Mathematical Patterns. Perhaps I'm being mean. Actually, no, I'm being really mean, but this course is basically unending frustration for me.
I mention this because that's where I am now, the MSRC, as I type up this blog post. My first shift today is from 10am to 2pm. (Yes, I have another shift later. [But come on, 10am is a pretty sweet deal in the grand scheme; look at Mikey for example -- he works overnights {ANOTHER PARANTHETICAL COMMENT LOL}!]) It's only four hours, which is not long at all, but it's pretty much the embodiment of soul-crushing boredom (but at least I don't just stare at screens like Mik... Oh wait, what am I doing now?). Particularly so given that I have not once tutored anyone on a Monday morning, meaning that I could be sleeping in (my problems are REAL). Instead I'm stuck here -- I have to be here -- while my sanity is slowly drained from me.

But that's not what I want to talk about today, actually. (I could but you don't want me to LOLOL.) Today I want to talk about morning routines. But not really. Mostly I want to talk about how I'm not very good at being a student. But more so than that I want to talk about reading and how I like to do it. So let's talk about all those things (sort of)!

Monday mornings are tough for a lot of people, and I'm no exception. I wake up at 7:30, shower, dress, fix my lunch -- y'know, MORNING STUFF-- and I'm usually out the door by 8 or 8:15 or 8:30 depending on my proclivities for that morning. Rarely do I not have homework on Mondays, because I don't typically finish over the weekends. And every week I go through the same stupid cycle: I say to myself, in my headbrain, "I will go to the MSRC and I will do my homework. I will not be distracted by my computer and its delicious internet tubes. I WILL BE A GOOD STUDENT." Surely you have presumed that this is utterly false in every way, and your presumption is correct, also in every way. But every week, I saythink the same stupid, false things.

So what prevents me from working like a good, studious graduate student? Besides the simple fact that HOLY FUCK I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO MY HOMEWORK AND GRADUATE SCHOOL IS OVERWHELMING AND I'M BEING ENGULFED IN DISCONTENT, I have a hard time breaking out of my reading habit. Now you may think, "Gosh, reading doesn't seem so bad," but you don't understand. I get sucked into things. I want to read everything. And I try. Rather than study or do my schoolwork, I'm busy trying to READ ALL THE THINGS. So I really want to talk about the stuff that's keeping my attention this morning. Between Twitter links, Facebook links, and the articles I tend to seek on my own, I have a good few things to offer this morning.

• Here's a piece on the fate of net neutrality in the wake of the mid-term elections. I find it amazing that people are not violently in favor of net neutrality (but I find lots of things amazing); freedom of information is something that we all take for granted pretty much all the time.
  
  
• Following SRS BSNS with more SRS BSNS: I follow Roger Ebert on Twitter, and he always links to his blogs, articles, and reviews. Here he has a couple videos concerning the West Memphis Three, and here is the Wikipedia article on them. [He also just posted a link to a video I saw just the other day: Richard Feynman on magnets.]
  
  
• And the last of the SRS BSNS today is an excellent essay about the Civil War, prescient given that this past Saturday, Nov. 6, was the 150th anniversary of Lincoln's (first) election as president. Thus we are approximately six months from the anniversary of the beginning of the Civil War. The last paragraph seems vitally relevant given the current political climate.
  
  
• With all that serious junk out of the way, we can finally (finally!) talk about football, or as Virginia and I have taken to calling it, foobaww. One article I always read on Monday mornings is Michael Silver's Morning Rush. I don't care about either the Raiders or the Chiefs, but I do love rivalries, and I especially love rivalries with history, so the Raiders and Chiefs both seemingly returning to relevance in the same year is actually pretty cool.
  
  
• Changing gears entirely, we have an article concerning the very super serious matter of Spider-Man's impact on the city of New York, an issue I have vaguely considered in past musings, though never to this (half-baked) extent. (Warning: it's pretty easy to get sucked into Cracked.)
  
  
• And for my last link, all I can say is Jesus Christ...
  

The truly sad thing is that this is definitely not everything I have seen or read this morning. Perhaps now you understand why I'm not such a good student? Sometimes I feel like an ADHD child chugging pure caffeine the way I peruse these tubes; in trying to absorb everything, I get absorbed into a horrible, unproductive shitspiral of reading and reading and reading and reading...

I only hope I'm not alone in this sort of thing.

TINK!

It has been over a year since Matt and I did one of these. The issue with these videos is that they take about 5-10 times the effort for only 10 minutes of content.



You don't like it? Go TINK yourself!

A Matter of Trivial Importance

If there’s one thing I know well, it’s Harry Potter. Or so I thought.

You know when you’re at trivia, and you haven’t been particularly valuable to your team, either because you don’t know the answers, or because everyone else knows all the same answers you do? And then comes a category that you feel so certain about. You just know you’re about to earn your keep on the team. For Matt it might be Really Boring Number-Related Things; for Virginia it might be Pretty Handmade Jewelry; for Michael it might be Not Being Awesome. You just know you’re about to dominate.

Then comes the question, and everybody’s looking to you. And you just… don’t… know it. You should know it. It’s in your head somewhere. But a whole song later, it’s time to turn in the answer and you’ve still got nothing.

There aren’t many trivia-related scenarios worse than that. Except maybe this one: getting the right answer, knowing it’s right, but then second-guessing yourself, scratching it out and turning in something that’s completely, utterly wrong.

That’s what’s been happening to me lately. Last week at trivia, we got a Harry Potter question. Great for me, the Harry Potter nerd, right?? Well it should have been. “What is Ginny Weasley’s real first name?” should have been simple. Immediately I grabbed the answer sheet and wrote down “Ginevra.” But then somebody looked at it funny.

“Really? Ginevra?”

Well… maybe not. Maybe I’m thinking of another Harry Potter character. Yeah, that’s it. Maybe one of the professors’ first names is Ginevra. But I know Ginny isn’t short for Ginnifer. Maybe Virginia? Yeah, that sounds right. What was I thinking—Ginevra? Please.

Ginevra Molly Weasley, as it turns out.

Then last night, I went to trivia at the pub where my new roommate works. A Movie Scenes question—an easy category for us, we assumed. But it was about Step Brothers, the Will Ferrell movie, which neither of us had seen, nor had any of her coworkers. “In Step Brothers, they hire a band for a party that will only play cover songs from whose 80’s period?”

The first thing to pop into my head was Billy Joel. Then Elton John, because I associate the two. We ran through several different options before finally deciding to make an uneducated guess and write down Prince. Before turning in the answer, I felt compelled to scratch it out and change it to Billy Joel, but I don’t want to be That Person, even on a guess. So I left it alone.

Of course it was the Piano Man.

On the whole, second-guessing myself has lost me a grand total of five points in four days, so nothing too horrible. But I don’t want to lose any more points. It’s time to start trusting my instincts. It’s time to start going with my initial gut reactions.

Because I was right the first time, dammit.

Letters to Stupid

Dear Stupid,
Matt and I were waiting for you this past Saturday night on the corner of 17th and Green. We had both put on our fancy clothes and were ready for the occasion. Matt even went to Men's Warehouse and bought a suit. Actually, no. He bought two suits. Two ties, two shirts. That's how committed he was. He was two times committed. I was wearing a nice long dress and heels. HEELS. I spent two hours getting ready that evening. Curls, hairspray, makeup etc...in case you haven't seen me lately, these are not things I normally do.

But let's get back to this problem we have. You know, we were waiting for you for probably 10 minutes on the corner before you showed up. And that's not a very big deal. What is a big deal is that you drove up, looked right at us, and drove away.

I know we have only been friends for a short while, but I like to think that we get along pretty well. I've told my friends about you, and typically we go downtown together. So I'm hoping you can see why this complete blow off on your part really hurt. Even if you didn't recognize us, you still should have waited.

Let me tell you what happened after you drove by. Matt and I were relying on you to pick us up and take us downtown to the orchestra. But since you couldn't be bothered, we had to take the subway. That's six blocks in heels. Plus the concert then six more blocks on the way back. I've got physical wounds from this, nevermind the emotional ones.

The fact of the matter is that you really screwed up. And I'm upset about it. But we are friends and for that reason I'm going to forgive you, just don't do it again.

Can I hitch a ride downtown on Thursday?

Love,
Virginia

The Unintentional Insomniac

While getting ready for bed, you probably think to yourself, "Holy shit, going to sleep is going to kick ass." You lie down in bed, you close your eyes, and... HOLY CRAP WHAT ABOUT ALL THIS STUFF I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT RIGHT NOWWWWW HNNNNNNGGG.

For example, last night I crawled into bed after having done a bunch of homework. So of course my thoughts first drifted toward that... I had all sorts half-baked, only-partially-lucid ideas about how to do some of my homework problems. And of course now I don't even remember exactly what my thoughts were, but at the time they were TOTALLY GOOD IDEAS.

Then you check the clock. WHAT?! I went to bed at 12:30, and it's already 1:30 and I haven't slept at all?? This is the point at which I start thinking about writing this blog post. OH MAN THIS IS A REALLY GREAT IDEA. Except all of the awesome (read: almost certainly not awesome) things I wanted to write are off in the ether somewhere because I was only semi-conscious when I thought of them.

You check the clock again. 2:00. Okay, seriously? I'm so tired! Why can't I go to sleep? And why can't I get comfortable? And what is the deal with all these negative campaign ads? God, I cannot wait for the election to be over just so those damn ads stop airing. Man, I can't believe the Saints won last night. I wish the Falcons had played. But a function that's continuous almost everywhere is definitely measurable, right? What about upper semi-continuous? Oh crap, I need to pick up my police report tomorrow. Shit, I wish I didn't have to tutor. And I need to call about my insurance. Did I write down the claim number? I hope Virginia feels okay tomorrow. Gosh, am I getting a little hungry? It's the middle of the night! Should I draw pictures for the blog post? Man, that blog is going to be AWESOME. Such a GOOD IDEA. I'm still not comfortable. Don't forget to e-mail your advisor. Did Mikey ever send that e-mail? I wish my car window wasn't busted. Okay, but can a measurable function be extended to a continuous function across a set of positive measure? I wonder what time it is HOLY SHIT IT'S 3:00?? What the hell happened in the last hour??

Of course these are just the highlights. The in-between thoughts are much crazier. And eventually you just keep thinking GO TO SLEEP GO TO SLEEP GO TO SLEEP HOLY SHIT GO TO SLEEEEEEEEEP, which really just makes matters worse because you're thinking about going to sleep rather than allowing yourself to just go to sleep. So then you try to focus on anything else. But that leads back to your spiral of half-lucidity. So you try to focus on nothing. You become meditative, like a monk. IF I THINK OF NOTHING, I WILL DRIFT INTO SLUMBER.

3:45

NOW YOU'RE SO ANGRY. FUCK YOU, BRAIN.


What about you guys? Does your mind ever rebel while you're going to sleep?