All Grown Up

I didn't have a childhood.

Or at least, that's what some would have me believe when they find out that at the advanced age of 25, I've never seen The Goonies.

Months and months ago, I borrowed a copy from a friend who effused that I had to watch it, that I would love it. Life was incomplete without experiencing the shared nostalgia of millions of Goonies fans. Well, months and months went by and I never felt like watching it, for fear of it not living up to the hype. Until tonight.

Did it live up to the hype? Nah, not really. I enjoyed it, and I know I would have really enjoyed it as a child. But some things have to be experienced at a time and in a place, or else it never really feels right.

Surely there was a toy you always wanted as a kid, the one you begged your parents for every year before your birthday, the one scribbled in thick marker, highlighted and triple-underlined at the tippy-top of your Christmas list year after year. And of course you didn't get it-- you got a pair of pajamas, which was pretty lame, and maybe a Polly Pocket set, or if that wasn't your style, a TMNT action figure. Maybe you were even lucky enough to recieve one of the more coveted gifts wrapped up under your tree-- Rollerblades, or Moon Shoes (I totally had Moon Shoes). But it was never exactly what you wanted, because it wasn't that one thing.

I wanted a freaking Power Wheel. For years. I had a neighbor who had one-- the red Jeep, if you must know-- when I was 3 or 4, and she would never let me drive. Not content to be ever the passenger, I wished and prayed and cajoled for my parents to give in and get me a Power Wheel of my very own. If I remember correctly, I had my sights set on a convertible. Well, I never woke up to discover one under the tree, wrapped in a bright red bow, and I likewise went without on birthday upon birthday. I'm not sure when the longing went away-- the website seems to have designated these cars as being for ages 2-6, so maybe after first or second grade I just gave up. To this day I'm jealous of kids who had Power Wheels. However, if I were to get one now? I just don't think it would fulfill my expectations. Where is the iPod hookup, I might inquire, and what is the cup-holder situation in this thing? Anti-lock brakes? Just how many horses power this engine? I don't know that it would satisfy my 3-year-old self's imagination.

So I missed out on The Goonies. So I wasn't a licensed driver, cruising around my elementary school playground. I think I turned out okay in spite of it. Surely we all missed out on something that everybody else seemed to experience. At least now I can finally join the throngs of the culturally elite in understanding Goonies references (they never say die, I hear).

P.S. Did you know-- and I'm SURE that you didn't-- that they make a Power Wheels Cadillac Escalade? Um, what?