Saturday, March 5, 2011

An Unapologetic Rebuttal

Grammar Ecard TT.TKO
Oh, snap. I totes got called out in Michael’s most recent post.

I feel compelled to take a moment to defend myself. You see, I’ve always considered myself to be somewhat of a grammar and spelling nerd. I don’t hate the English language; in fact, I kind of love it.

My use of “abbrevs,” then, may not make much sense. I can assure you, I don’t shorten words because I’m too lazy and lethargic to utter that last, difficult syllable. And my IQ is just fine, thanks. I’m also not sure I use these truncated words quite as frequently as is implied. What’s more, I’m not sure I’ve ever used the word “preesh” in any situation that wasn’t intended to aggravate Michael.

Ah, there’s the rub. Sometimes, I live to be obnoxious.

The thing is, it’s a bit of a catch-22. I may say “whatevs” in casual conversation because of the way it makes my friends and peers roll their eyes in amused frustration. But then I catch myself saying it to my parents. Or to total strangers, who have no context for how fascinating and intelligent I really am. And then before I know it, I’m not an ironic “abbrevs” user with a shiteating grin on my face—I’m just talking shit.

Do I sound like an idiot? Maybe. I probably also sound like an idiot when I sing loudly along to Ke$ha songs with friends in my car and look like an idiot when I rock the most brightly-colored neon plastic sunglasses Target has to offer. We all have our little peccadilloes that are so annoying they’re amusing. Don’t worry about it.

But seriously. “Foodie” is out of the question, obvi. I can’t abide that noise.

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