Beware The First Of April

I really think April Fool’s Day ought to be a nationally recognized holiday.

I mean, think of the productivity that would be saved by just telling everyone to not bother going to work on April 1st? Every office has a Jim Halpert type, even if their prankish streak only rears its head once a year. Think of the hours employees will spend hunting for computer mice, trying to change their laptop’s language back to English or emptying hundreds of tiny cups of water strewn about their office floor. Would that time not be better spent at home?

Of course, at home, countless roommates will try to emerge from their bedrooms only to have to claw their way through layers of newspaper. Surely in some less civilized portions of the country, toilets will be tightly bound with Saran wrap. It’s all fun and games until someone splashes pee on themselves.

All that being said, April Fool’s Day is a holiday near and dear to my heart. I missed out on it last year because I quite literally forgot which day was the 1st—and I had a couple of good ones planned, too, for a couple of different people. Those plans may be forever forgotten, lost in the ether, a proverbial sword of Damocles constantly hovering, never to land. A tragedy, that.

But it’s a brand new day, and the sun is high. My next three days may be spent planning, plotting, preparing. Will I stock up on Dixie cups and plastic wrap, or shall I go the more cerebral route? It’s yet to be seen. All I know is that there will be blood.

Or actually, there probably won’t be any blood. It’s just a holiday, after all, and that’s kind of mean. Not to mention gross. And hard to clean up. Maybe there will be shaving cream. Or there will be Silly String. Or at least Saran wrap. There’s always Saran wrap.