Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Rock 'N Roll High School

MTV doesn’t play music anymore. They haven’t for a long time. VH1 held out a bit longer, but Celebrity Rehab sells more adspace than Wilson Phillips music videos ever could. So where are you supposed to get your fix of bands on TV these days? Reruns, that’s where.

Television has a long and storied history of writing plotlines around bands. I bet Fonzie was in a band at some point on Happy Days, but I’m far too busy to consult Wikipedia. In any case, you need look no further than syndicated reruns or your DVD collection to find your jam.
The Beets TT.TKO
  • The Beets
    These colorful rockers were the real deal, whether they were playing arena shows or outside the Honker Burger. Based on a variety of British invasion bands, these were Doug and Skeeter’s idols, deservedly so. “I Need Mo’ Allowance”? “Killer Tofu”? Come on. The Beets were the shit. Apparently when Doug transitioned from its Nickelodeon heyday to its Disney purgatory, the Beets broke up. In protest? I’d like to think so.
    Zack Attack TT.TKO
  • Zack Attack
    Hot Sundae crashed and burned when Jessie couldn’t kick her addiction, but the Zack Attack were friends forever. Or were they? We all remember the Behind The Music-esque episode about the rise and more notably, fall, of the BFFs-turned-rock-band. Still, throughout Saved By The Bell’s run, the Zack Attack appeared in a number of episodes, providing a soundtrack for Zack and Kelly’s tearjerker of a breakup and allowing us all to wonder why AC Slater sounds like Peabo Bryson when he sings.
    California Dreams TT.TKO
  • California Dreams
    This lesser known part of the Peter Engel family didn’t just feature a band, it was about a band. The Dreams were a beachy-cool rock band full of teenagers who faced all the same problems the Saved By The Bell gang faced, only they were in California. Wait a second. In any case, I still get some of their songs stuck in my head, and am currently wondering why I’ve never tried to acquire the soundtrack.
    Dingoes Ate My Baby TT.TKO
  • Dingoes Ate My Baby
    Every laconic, spike-haired high schooler in the late ‘90s was in a band, and Daniel “Oz” Osbourne was no exception. Dingoes Ate My Baby appeared on the Buffy The Vampire Slayer scene when Oz did, simultaneously developing his character and allowing some consistency to the music played every week at the Bronze. The music was really played by Four Star Mary, and the Dingoes provided a nice respite from the usual ‘90s-lesbian-chic music that plagued early Buffy. Above all else, they have a cool name.
    Crucifictorious TT.TKO
  • Crucifictorious
    Most recently, the band you’ve been missing out on from the show you’re not watching, Friday Night Lights. This Christian death metal band burst onto the small-town scene, rocking all of Texas, or at least like, four or five people. Landry Clark has up and graduated, but Crucifictorious lives on in my heart and, occasionally, my trivia team name. And what a name it is, amiright?
Sadly, all my favorite TV bands seem to have broken up or gotten canceled. I guess I'll just have to hold out hope for another appearance of Mouse Rat when Parks and Recreation returns in the spring. Rock N Roll 4 Life.

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