You Know What I Don't Get?

Mikey: Mattie! You know what I don't get? People who watch baseball and won't watch soccer. Baseball is so boring and I can say that because I love baseball. Why else do you do the wave every time you go to a baseball game? Here is a hint PEOPLE ARE BORED.

Mattie: I am in total agreement. Amuuurikans always say soccer is boring, but fucking love baseball.
OH HELLO KETTLE, I AM THE POT. FOUR CHILI DOGS AND A DIET COKE PLEASE.

Mikey: Soccer is more physical than baseball. Oh and let us not forget that it is a sport that is popular around the entire world. Sure there are often more runs in baseball then there are goals in soccer but maybe that is because in soccer they actually have to work for their points. I feel like a jackass even calling it soccer. It clearly should be called football being that oh 95% of the game is played with ::GASP:: feet.

Mattie: And not only is soccer more physical, but it's also -- imagine this! -- a lot more active. Soccer players are almost always on the move, and the game is pretty fast-paced. So how in the world is it boring? Especially when compared to baseball..... Baseball is nothing but stops and starts; all the amazing plays are (typically) limited to just a few seconds. And then it's over. And then the next batter is up. Whereas in soccer there's a constant back and forth.

Mikey: I am just trying to figure out what is worse the fact people won't give soccer a chance now or way down the line, when the US is a top five team, the inevitable people jumping on the soccer bandwagon all of a sudden?

Mattie: Honestly, the bandwagoners don't really bother me unless they try to play it off they've always been a fan. Those who won't give it a chance? Eff them.

Mikey: Eff them indeed. Maybe we just penalty kick them in the nuts. Yeah I said it.

Mattie: Or perhaps they each get a headbutt from Zidane.... Well, I think it's pretty much decided. Baseball fans who pass on soccer are silly people with malformed opinions.

Yes, this is a post about shoes.

I'm not sure what exactly changed, or when, but I feel like my whole perception of fashion as a whole has... matured recently, let's say. In the past, I very rarely cared about my clothing. This is not to say I left home looking disheveled or in disarray; I'm an adamant proponent of personal hygiene and cleanliness. But I didn't really know anything about fashion, I didn't really care, and I clung to the belief that people would either accept me or not, fashion and all. Now I don't think my previous fashion sense was exceptionally bad, and in fact, I have come to learn that I, at one point, had a somewhat unique aesthetic in the eyes of others. Nor does any of this mean that my aesthetic now is particularly chic. The contrary is almost certainly closer to the truth. Of course, I don't care about being chic; I care about feeling comfortable and looking good in my own mind, and I guess the point is that my personal style has become more aligned with more fashionable styles.

Okay, who cares? Well, the big thing for me right now is shoes. My appreciation for a good pair of shoes has grown in the past year, not exponentially, but probably more like a cubic or quartic. (GET IT, MATH JOKES?!) However, my fledgling admiration for the shoe has come under assault in the past few months. Those who know me probably know that I tend to like Skechers. They are not the greatest shoes, nor the most stylish, but I like a good few of their products and they always fit my feet very well.

HOWEVER.... the Skechers Shape-Up... thing.... is absolutely the fucking worst.


What the fuck is that? It is ugly incarnate, my friends. These are not even shoes; they are an abomination; a crime against humanity. And no matter what claims they purport about toning legs or whatever the fuck, it's still goddamn ugly. And for the record, I found the above image by Google image searching "ugly skechers."

PROOF



What do you think? Would you wear these? Now, I don't want to influence your decision, but if you say yes, I will burn your house down (with you in it... wearing these ugly-ass shoes.)

Identity Crisis

Three separate words have been thrown around lately to describe not only myself, but a variety of my friends, and I think it's about time we got this junk all sorted out.

The words are dork, geek and nerd.

First, let us go ahead and agree that it is possible for a person to be any combination of the three. Maybe they're all three; maybe they're just one. Deal? Good. Now, it is also possible that a person can be primarily one with elements of another thrown in. For example, a dork with nerd-like tendencies would be a nerdy dork. Following still?

Here's where it gets fun. Time to define.

Let us start with the dorks (anyone else start singing The Snorks theme? Just me? OK then...) Dorks tend to be the most socially awkward. Common symptoms are being overly silly, having off timing (especially when it comes to jokes), being late on popular trends and often being spotted getting lost in their own world. Dorks are probably the most lovable of the group. If you need some pop culture examples, see Dwight Schrute or John "J.D." Dorian.

Moving on to the nerds. It's all about intellect with this group. Maybe they show an outstanding knowledge of all topics or, more commonly, they specialize in one specific area. For example, there are movie nerds, TV nerds, music nerds, book nerds and hell, there are even sports nerds (they just aren't too fond of being called that). The easiest way to tell if you are a nerd is to start talking to someone about a topic you are particularly passionate about. You want to make sure they don't share the same passion. Once you are well into your conversation, make a note of a few things. First, are you the only one talking? Have they rolled their eyes multiple times? Are they looking around for someone or something else to save them from the conversation? NERD! It's cool. At least you share that with Jon Stewart and good ol' Spock.

Lastly, we have the geeks. These are no longer the guys who bite the heads off chickens. Maybe they partake in a few too many Mountain Dew Code Reds here and there, but you won't see many geeks at a carnival anytime soon. To define what makes a geek, you have to start with geek culture, and that is anything you will see at an E3 or Comic-Con, such as: computers, video games, comic books, comic movies, horror movies, anime, sci-fi, card games and board games. I could keep going, but you get the idea. Geeks have to have a specialty (like nerds) in a topic, but also need to maintain a broad knowledge in other topics. Geeks also tend to "know" they have 1337 $k!11Z 2 pwn n00bs (a set of skills that makes them better than everyone else). Some notable geeks are easily Stan Lee and the one and only Steve Jobs.

Let me go ahead and say you can probably classify yourself as at least one of the above. I myself tend to side with the geek + dork mix. Hawt, I know. Embrace it! At least you're not a spaz, loser or dweeb.

The Last Supper

I have a love-hate relationship with food.

Like many people, I'm carrying around a few more pounds than I'd like, the result of lazy cooking and an unchecked love of really good beer. I'm making a renewed effort to eat healthier right now-- today I even started a food diary, in hopes that I'll be more accountable for what I eat if I have to cop to it later. (Nobody wants to have to type the words, "Dear Diary, today I ate an entire pint of Phish Food.") But it's boring. Cheerios... grapes... a Lean Cuisine. Nothing mouthwatering or even kind of delicious.

So that's why I've spent the past 30 minutes poring over the last meals of 301 Texas death row inmates. It's junk food porn. I've never seen so much deep fried, cheesy, bacony goodness together in my life! (Outside of KFC's Double-Down, of course, or maybe This Is Why You're Fat.)

Most of the requests consist of copious amounts of fried chicken, double cheeseburgers, steaks, tacos, sodas. Enough cake and ice cream to cater a hundred six-year-olds' birthday parties. Nobody got fancy and asked for escargot or Cornish game hen, but then, I suppose you'd lose any traces of pretension when facing death.

Of course, there are a few peculiar requests rounding out the list. One inmate asked for a bag of assorted Jolly Ranchers and nothing else. Not very filling, though I guess it doesn't matter at this point. Another wanted a "fresh lettuce and cucumber salad with light vinegar salad dressing on the side." Interesting time to be watching your figure. And another simply asked for a pot of coffee. I guess he wanted to make sure he was wide awake during the proceedings.

So what would my last meal request be? Not a Lean Cuisine, that's for sure. Maybe black olive and Italian sausage pizza. Kroger brand macaroni and cheese. A couple dozen shrimp, and hey, why not go nuts and toss a few sea scallops in there as well. Ooh, and a Chick Fil A chicken biscuit (let's hope my execution is before 10:30 a.m. because a chicken sandwich isn't going to cut it). And a pack of Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs (no other holiday Reese's products will suffice). And Diet Coke. There will be Diet Coke.

Corrections

Um, not so fast, T-bone.


World War II reenactments most certainly exist.

You can Google it.

The VA Special

Episode #30: GREAT NEWS EVERYONE. We have a website. DUH, YOU'RE LOOKING AT IT ON THE INTERNET. Also, I got engaged. DERP. Mikey and I took pity on my lady, since I tricked her into an engagement and all.... So we let her decide the format of the show. She gave us about 20 different, short debates. Basically, it's The Gauntlet Two: Electric Boogaloo.

Download on iTunes or find it here.

Welcome

BOOSH! Yeah, I said it!

Let me be the first to welcome you to TTMainstage.com!

TT is still in its infancy and we're glad you're coming along for the ride. In the upcoming months, we hope to make TTMainstage not only a hub for the TT.TKO podcast, but also a showcase for web comics, blogs and whatever random stuff we come up with.

Over a year ago I talked Matt into trying to record a podcast. We knew nothing about podcasts or even what kind of format we would utilize (hell, we're still tweaking how we do things). About eleven months ago, I posted our first TT.TKO debate video on Vimeo. Then six months ago, I decided I wanted to work on expanding the TT name. Again, not knowing anything about what we were doing, we trudged ahead. Now with a lot of help from our new writer Amy, we have a website!

We have had a lot of support and encouragement from our friends and family. We hope to continue deserving that support and make this into something special.

New TT.TKO Podcast!

Episode #29: All Arnold, all the time. Featuring Mikey [the] T-bone and The Squid answering man's eternal questions: Just what is the worst Arnold Schwarzenegger movie of all time? Which is the best? And most importantly, Arnold: hot or not?

Check it out on iTunes or here.