TT.TKO: Toys I Want(ed)

Who doesn't remember running down stairs on Christmas morning and ripping open your gifts and thinking "where the hell is my red rider bebe gun...?" This a podcast for all the toys we wanted but never got. Most for good reason.

LET ME BE CLEAR... MATTIE AND I BOTH HAD AN AWESOME CHILDHOOD.

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Jazz Hands

I have little interest in the Tonys.

Sure, I like theater. Even musical theater. I saw Billy Elliott when I was in New York in January. I'm a big Avenue Q fan. I'm even a fan of award shows in general (particularly the Emmys for obvious reasons). But the Tonys? I can pass on those.

Unless I hear a "...with your host, Neil Patrick Harris!"

Well, okay, I still didn't watch the Tonys this past Sunday night. I had better things to do, like go to sleep early since I'd been up since 6 a.m. But I digress. I did manage to see a few clips of NPH's hosting duties (the only part of the show I really cared about-- I haven't seen The Book of Mormon, so what do I care that they won everything?) and this was my particular favorite:



My new favorite rap star? Maybe not, but that's some impressive work, considering that whole thing was written and learned during the live broadcast.

Oh, NPH. What can't you do?

Millionaire Marketing

It has been pretty clear that Hollywood has been tapping into my childhood for the last ten years to try and make money movies. I think it is about time that we applied this money making scheme to more things. Clearly there is a market for the whole retro thing. You see t-shirts inspired by things from our childhood all over the place. I am guilty of owning a couple myself.

When I was a kid nothing got me more pumped up than getting the toy in my cereal. Pouring myself a sweet bowl of those fruity pebbles and bam! What foreign object has found its way into my mountain of pebbles? NO WAY A SPOON THAT CHANGES COLORS DEPENDING ON THE TEMPERATURE!!!! I ALWAYS WANTED ONE OF THESE!!!

I can see you sitting there asking "BUT MIKEY! Why would that be any different from what they did before!?!" and you're right they totally shouldn't repeat the same formula as before. What they need to do is make the toys collectibles! Hire the guys at Tokyo Plastic to make some sweet looking figures and throw one in each of your family size cereal boxes. Be sure to make like two of them very rare so people start fighting over these things. You know what... this idea is too good for cereal but what kind of company would be worthy of such an awesome idea?

Beer? Condoms? Shoes.... ugh. Either way you are welcome world for the best marketing idea in a long time.

TT.TKO: Matt And Virginia Get Married

Oh yeah love!!! Mattie gets quizzed on his lovely bride. HE FAILS! FAILS SOOOOO HARD!!!

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That Guy

According to Vulture, James Franco is collaborating with a performance artist named Kalup Linzy to put out an album. Of music. Apparently they already have a song out but I sure didn't know about it. Vulture refers to him as "human Swiss army knife James Franco," and they're not kidding. This newfound music-making is just a drop in the bucket of stuff James Franco has done in the past few years.

Stuff James Franco Has Done Recently

• Acted in movies ranging from 127 Hours (good) to Spiderman 3 (so bad they said "Screw it, let's start over.")
  
• Obtained permission to take up to 62 credit hours of classes at UCLA (as compared with the limit for mere mortals: 19)
  
• Invented a machine that controls the weather
  
• Attended four post-graduate schools at once (Columbia, NYU, Brooklyn College and Warren Wilson College in North Carolina)
  
• Received awards for his humanitarian work
  
• Sparkled when exposed to direct sunlight
  
• Hosted the Academy Awards
  
• Played a character named Franco on General Hospital
  
• Brought people back from the dead
  
• Looked damn fine
  
• Hosted SNL

What have you done lately? What have I? Either we need to get busy or we need to take Franco out, 'cause he's making us all look bad.

Mawwiage Is What Brings Us Together Today

Congratulations to Mattie and Virginia, who got married today! (To each other, no less!) A TT.TKO wedding. Hope the logo was printed on the cake. And if not, you can always peruse Cake Wrecks and pretend.

The Good Fight

The current US Attorney General, Eric Holder, has had just about enough. His favorite show is no longer on the air, you see, and he can't abide a world without The Wire. Well, rather, he thinks the show had a great anti-drug message and he'd like to see more of it. So of course he's implored the creators to keep creating-- "I want another season or I want a movie. I have a lot of power, Mr. Burns and Mr. Simon," he said.

Well, shit. Is it that easy? Just enlist someone in a position of power to bring back from the dead your erstwhile favorite television show? Could a Supreme Court Justice court Mitch Hurtwitz to hurry up with that Arrested Development movie already? Could Bono get me another season of Veronica Mars? Could Nathan Fillion champion bringing back Firefly? (Oh, wait.)

I'm not holding my breath. There doesn't seem to be much hope of getting great shows back on the air when we can't get terrible ones off it, like this man who threatened to blow up his local TV station if they didn't cool it with the incessant reruns of Two And A Half Men. I hear ya, buddy, but your brand of crazy doesn't help the cause.

Alas, we'll probably just have to accept that The Wire's dead and gone, the Arrested Development movie may never happen and Nathan's never, ever going to buy the rights to Firefly. But I have hope that one day we'll live in a nation where Two And A Half Men only airs once each weekday instead of 'round the clock.

Hey, a girl can dream.