Prohibition II: Electric Boogaloo

The Sunday sales bill looks to be, for all intents and purposes, dead.

For those of you non-Georgia residents, let me fill you in: Our fine state is one of three in the country (the others being Connecticut and Indiana) that does not allow the sale of alcohol on Sundays. Nope, if it’s a Sunday, you can’t get alcohol anywhere in the state—except at a bar or restaurant, but you know, laws aren't supposed to make sense.

In any case, for the past few years Gov. Sonny Perdue swore up and down that he’d veto any Sunday sales bill to cross his desk. Our new Gov. Nathan Deal, though conservative, has gone on record saying that he would not veto such a bill, now famously stating, "I don't drink. I just believe in democracy."

Cue rejoicing on the part of those who value, you know, the right to vote on issues, and the separation of church and state, and all that noise.

As I understand it, the bill currently being discussed allows counties to vote on whether to permit Sunday sales, and would only allow beer and wine, none of that heathen hard liquor. The state House of Representatives passed it real quick, and according to every source ever, the state Senate was gearing up to do so as well.

But then last week it just died. They’re claiming there’s not nearly enough Senate support for it to pass (even though there allegedly was two weeks ago?). Some blame the Georgia Christian Coalition and others blame unnamed eager beaver state Senators who hope to gain higher office someday and don’t want to alienate anyone along the way. Regardless, in spite of a rally at the state capitol a couple days ago and the attitudes of most citizens ranging from “Give me Sunday beer or give me death!” to “What do I care if people can drink on Sundays? Get off my lawn,” it seems like it’s not happening this year.

Okay, so buying and selling alcohol in liquor and grocery stores on a Sunday is illegal. Fine. One could argue that we all choose to live in the fascist theocracy of an ex-penal colony that is Georgia, so that’s the law we’re stuck with.

But why draw the line there? If certain lobbyists and lawmakers get to dictate what’s legal and illegal just because they feel like it, why don’t the rest of us get to enact the laws of our choosing?

I think it should be illegal for Georgia residents to say the word “foodie.” Surely you don’t hear it much down in south Georgia or up in the mountains, but I live in Atlanta and read a lot of food blogs and restaurant reviews, and it kind of annoys me. To be fair, it would suit me to ban “foodie” forever, everywhere, but you can’t make stupid laws everywhere, so Georgia it is. “Foodie” is hereby outlawed.

You know what else should be illegal? Jean shorts on guys. Definitely putting the banhammer down on those. Ooh, and while we’re legislating drink-related issues, I’m going to outlaw restaurants from only serving Pepsi products, because Pepsi is gross. I don’t want to drink it, so nobody should be able to drink it, amiright?

It’s ridiculous that this is even an issue, but it is. There’s still a sliver of hope that the Senate will get their act together and vote on it this legislative season (you know-- vote to let us vote on it), but for now we’ll just have to keep getting our Sunday beers the old fashioned ways—out of our refrigerator, at any bar or restaurant, or at Buddy’s as soon as the clock strikes midnight.